we met on the 7/7/77

We thought it would be forever, meeting as we did on that special date.
And of course for my wife it was forever, but now I am alone without her, we looked out for each other, took care of each other, but now I am drinking too much, only beer though, not spirits, my daughter is obviously precious to me, she lives 200 miles away, but with my blessing, she needs to keep busy and get on with her life. I was fortunate whilst growing up, I never lost anyone who was really close. But in 2006 I lost my mum, she was a big influence in my life I miss her enormously, she was the one I would turn to when in need, but my wife filled that gap, we grew even closer and now she is gone as well. Its very strange, we were together for 33 years, struggled through tough times, we were just beginning to see the fruits of our labours, holidaying twice a year, having a bit more spare cash, then out of the blue she was diagnosed with lung cancer (its quite hard to print that last sentence), we thought we had 3-5 years to fight it, but 10 months later she died, in retrospect it was all so quick, the only thing I would say is if you are diagnosed with cancer, and you want to know how serious it is, ask your doctor this question HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO LIVE, if we had done that then I think we would have managed the last months of my wife`s life better. My dad died in February, he had a heart condition which meant he could not breathe very well, just like my my wife, same pills, same syringe driver, same oxygen machine,same deterioration, same outcome, death. You expect to lose your parents as you go through life, but nothing prepares you for losing your best friend, lover, wife, the one who keeps you sane, the one who makes life worth living and the one who sometimes is a nice pain in the ass but you love her anyway. I have cried every day for 18 months since my wife died, all I can say is I keep believing tomorrow will be a better day because that is what my wife used to say when she was very ill, and sometimes tomorrow was a better day, just when we thought she was beyond hope, she would wake up and find the energy to go out for the day she was was quite a remarkable person, I was privileged to know her, I will miss her forever, and I will keep believing in tomorrow, though no-one will ever take her place in my heart.

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Apr 30, 2013
7/7/77
by: Anonymous

WELL ITS BEEN ABOUT ANOTHER YEAR SINCE MY WIFE DIED. I NOW GET THE FEELING THAT AFTER TWO AND A HALF YEARS SINCE SHE DIED, FRIENDS AND FAMILY THINK THAT I SHOULD BE OVER IT, NOBODY TALKS ABOUT HER ANYMORE MORE, I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO MENTIONS HER NAME IN CONVERSATION. SOMETIMES I FEEL I AM THE ONLY ONE KEEPING HER MEMORY ALIVE. I KNOW LIFE GOES ON BUT I STILL CANNOT SEE A FUTURE WITHOUT MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE. I TRY SO HARD EVERYDAY. BUT SINCE MY WIFE DIED, MY DAD HAS ALSO DIED, I HAVE LOST MY JOB AND HAD TO SELL THE HOUSE WE LOVED SO MUCH. I KNOW ITS ONLY BRICKS AND MORTAR BUT IT WAS AN UNUSUAL QUIRKY HOUSE THAT WE BOTH ASPIRED TO, IT WAS NOT EXPENSIVE OR IN A DESIRABLE AREA, BUT WE BOTH LOVED LIVING THERE SO MUCH. I HAVE NOW MOVED BACK TO MY HOME TOWN WHERE I GREW UP, BACK ON A COUNCIL ESTATE, BACK TO ALL I WANTED TO GET AWAY FROM, BUT NEEDS MUST AND I ACCEPT THIS IS WHERE I AM NOW IN MY LIFE. I WILL KEEP PLUGGING AWAY, TRYING TO MAKE SOME SENSE OF IT AND LIKE MY WIFE (WHEN SHE WAS VERY ILL) STILL BELIEVE THAT TOMORROW WILL BE A BETTER DAY. I CANNOT SAY I AM MORE OPTIMISTIC ABOUT LIFE THAN WHEN I FIRST POSTED ON THIS WEBSITE BUT I AM STILL HERE, AND ANTHONY IF YOU STILL VISIT THIS WEBSITE, HOW ARE YOU COPING WITHOUT CONSTANCE?, I HOPE YOUR PAIN IS A LITTLE EASIER.

Jun 07, 2012
Hi Anthony
by: 7/7/77

Thanks for your heartfelt response.
I totally sympathize with you. My wife was only 54 when she died, we met when we were 20, I know its a cliche but we were soulmates, we were so good for each other and thought we would be together forever.
I felt as you do now when she died, but I can say as much it still hurts, it does get a little bit more bearable in time, I had many times when, though I was not suicidal, I did go to bed thinking I dont care if I dont wake up in the morning.
After 19 months since she died I am gradually starting to talk about my great loss and how I feel.( I dont do face to face do-gooders (I know thats their job and they are trying to help) so this website has helped enormously).
I remember when I was first told that she had only a few weeks weeks to live, my response was to tell the nurse that if I lived till I was 85, I would have more years to live now without her, than I lived with her and that was soul destroying.
I will never get over the loss of my beautiful wife, but for my sake and the sake of my family and friends I hopefully will learn to deal with it somehow. Take strength from your family and friends and live each day one day at a time. I turned to beer to help me through the tough times, it dulled the senses and did block out the pain overnight, but it was still there the next morning.
I can tell from your reponse we are totally different people, but grief has no boundries and I feel your pain. Try to build a future, I know its hard but keeping busy will help.
You will never forget Constance, as I will never forget my wife, Take care.


May 27, 2012
you are not alone - I know the feeling
by: anthony

Yes, don't I know it well enough! my dearest beloved hunnie bunnie Constance was taken from me on19 March 2012, same disease, lung cancer, 8 months after diagnosis. Yes, it happened all too quickly, and I am at odds with God on why it was so sudden. She was only 48. For myself, every time I am in church or at the mall, or practically anywhere, I grieve painfully when I see elderly couples hand in hand, and wonder why God deprived us of this opportunity.....

Everyday the tears come - I get up in the morning thinking the day will be ok, and then, the grief hits. It was particularly bad two days ago, when I woke up at 3 am. Ever felt that you are awake and yet sleeping too? That was the feeling - I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water, looked at her picture and then started to cry, saying to God and her that No, this is a nightmare - Cons you are still alive and well - come back to me! The tears did not stop and I went back to bed curled up and crying myself to sleep. This never happened before.

I have sought grief Counselling and this has helped somewhat in resolving Cain issues, but my counsellor says that even in 10 years time I will still be crying.

Of course, I told her that I pray ever day to Jesus to take me home soon ...and I mean soon...and that I will not live to see that 10 year mark. It's scary to think of 10 years without Cons.

May 21, 2012
sorry
by: Anonymous

you have been through alot I'm so sorry for your losses especially your wife. Have you tried talking to someone, a counselor? pastor? or friend? I know at first it's hard to open up to strangers but, they have helped me cope with the loss of my 3 year old grandson in Jan. this year.
I didn't know your wife but, I would imagine she would not want you sad or crying everyday but, to carry on in her name and make her proud. You will find no answers in the bottle of beer your problems will still be there when you sober up. I hope you can find a way to cope and carry on, I know how hard it is, I fight back tears, anger and pain everyday but, I have to go on for my children and my grandson's daddy. Hugs and love to you

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