We were 15 and fell in love, 3 years later he passes away.

by Amanda Howard
(Seattle, Washington)

He would have made the perfect father.

He would have made the perfect father.

He would have made the perfect father.
His famous crooked smile.
My love.
We were only 16.

Click on each photo for caption


I was a sophomore in High School when i first laid eyes on him. I could not stop thinking about him for a month straight and didn't even know his name. That summer I found his myspace and added him. We instantly started talking and clicking. We were 15. I lost my virginty to him that summer of 2007. It was not like me to give my all to someone i've only dated for 3 weeks. I can safely say I was on my way to loving him. We had the perfect relationship. Lived a half a mile away from eachother, his family accepted me right away like one of their own, and we went to school together everyday. We were together as much as we could be.

Eventually, months down the road, he got introduced to oxycontin. Which led to me getting introduced to it. We thought we were in control, at being 16. We got addicted. Until we were 18 we dealt with getting arrested, him being in and out of inpatient, fighting, withdrawals, but still fighting to be in Love and not letting this drug tear that apart. I finally could not take it and wanted to stay clean, and wanted more then anything for him to be clean with me.

Last August of 2009 I had to break it off. We saw each other here and there, talked now and then.. but I started dating again, and he was still getting heavier and heavier into oxy's. He went to missouri to try and stay with family for a few months to get himself straight. But coming back home, temptations failed him. He was down the the core the most amazing kid you would be lucky to know. But this drug just destroyed him, and now me.

3 months ago he passed away from a drug overdose of heroin. I got the call that he was in the hospital and right away i started praying and hoping non stop those 6 days he was in there. I visited him and just begged to God that he would live. My only love, at age 18, died June 14th 2010. All of his family moved back to their home, Missouri and I am offered to move with his mom and sister, too. I don't know what to believe in anymore, i wasn't as it was a for sure believer in God.

I feel like I would have enough time to give him and I a year break, and we would eventually be okay in the end, be married, and have children. There's so much more I can say, but i want to keep it short so maybe I can have some feedback. All I know is that his pain has caused me physical anxiety, and changed my life around completly. My mind never stops racing, I never stop asking myself questions. About life, time, after life, death.. This is my first grieving post..

Comments for We were 15 and fell in love, 3 years later he passes away.

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Sep 14, 2010
Not your fault
by: Anonymous

Although much older than you, I too am suffering over the loss of the love of my life. He died July 23, 2010 from cocaine intoxication. I may have been ringing his doorbell when he was dying! I don't know anything for sure and have all the same questions you have. I never knew this was his drug of choice, I suspected Valium...he never told me of his demons. Now I realize there were so many messages.....I just didn't put it together. You did nothing wrong, in fact you did the best you could....stay clean and strong for everyone that loves you....love yourself. It will all come to light in time. Just don't blame yourself.

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