We were like peanut butter and jelly part 2
(Cheshire, CT USA)
Some days are great days. Emotionally I'm in good space and the world is generally an OK place. Then there are days when I don't have a clue as how I'm possibly going to get through the next millisecond. As the new year approached my coping deteriorated and my mood took a turn. I could not stop crying no matter what I tried. Believe me I tried exercise, relaxation techniques even a glass of wine. Nothing was going to work. I tried talking to friends about my grief. That only made me sadder. I could not for the world of me figure out how I was going to go into a new year and live through the year without my mother. She was the one who was always there who was as strong and steady as the Rock of Gibraltar. She was the one went to when I wanted to rant about something. She was the one I went to when I needed understanding and compassion. I went to my mother for solace and for support. Most importantly I went to her just to sit and be. Mother knew how to be still. Going into the new year without her is uncharted territory something that I don't handle well. Then the blamin' holidays were over and I realized that this year will be different but not impossible. It will have its challenges but not be insurmountable. All I have to do is trust in the legacy my mother left me. Draw on the strength of the "Buda women". Persevere with grace and determination create a space of my own where I can go and be still. As I draw from my mother's legacy I'll wax and wane between being in great space and being grief stricken but bit by bit this experience will be integrated, life will be different and I will go on.
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