We were something... and still are

by jamie
( Missouri)

Lenny was my first husband. He is the father of my 2 children. He was my friend before he was all that. I married him because there was no one like him...and while the marriage didnt last, the fact that there was no one like him lasted until his death. It felt like we were meant to be parents... but not spouses. And we were great partners in friendship, business, joy and laughter, as well as parenting.

We became closer after we separated. People thought it odd, and a few thought it was wrong. It wasn't easy all the time, but it was wonderful. We got to the point where we could say to each other how happy we were in this unusual life together but apart.

Significant others in our lives often accepted this. Sometimes not fully, but in the end our love of family would "win" and we found a way to be a family.

After a dozen years apart, we entered a time of distance between us, awkwardness, even hurt. The source is something I will never know because he died so suddenly in an auto accident on January 28th 2013. Such shock! The patient (and sometimes not so patient) waiting and hoping things would get right again was squashed. He is gone. My children are reeling and grieving. His wife is grieving. His brothers, relatives, friends are all grieving.

And so am I. But I am grieving alone. I can't speak my heart. There is no word for what we were. But having no word does not make it nothing.

Lenny, I will miss you and always wonder what word i can use to describe you? I suspect there is none. You were Lenny. I loved you like Lenny. You know what passed between us and God knows, too. That will have to be enough.

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Feb 20, 2013
thank you Doreen
by: jamie

I didn't realize responses were an option. I just blindly wrote, but Doreen, thank you for saying just what i needed to hear. I am so grateful.... you have no idea! thank you!

Feb 20, 2013
We were something...and still are
by: Doreen U.K.

Jamie I am sorry for your loss of Lenny your special friend. It is rare to have a good friendship with someone but not be able to stay married to that person. But is a fact of life. Ice skaters partner up for years and then they are married to different people. But they still have a good bond between them. But yet can't be married to each other. Perhaps it is just that the chemistry is not there for marriage. Many people end a marriage because they are not compatible. But many people who are not compatible still go on to have a good relationship. Perhaps there isn't a norm and people find what works for them. but as you say you are grieving the loss of Lenny now and a bit confused how you fit into the Grief of a Man you loved and lost through divorce. He was your husband once and you can still grieve this loss of someone you Loved deeply. Had a strong bond of friendship with and you have every right to honour those feelings of grief. So do your children who have lost a father.

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