What do I do now?
My sister lost her battle to kidney disease close to three years ago. Most are okay days, some are not so okay days. She left a gift with me, her only child. She is a wonderful young woman, now married with a baby.
My heart breaks at all she is missing, how her daughter's heart is so terribly fragile. She was ill her entire adult life, overcame so much. We talked everyday, numberous times per day. It's hard to know how to move forward when so much of my own life was helping her through her trials. That was my part of it, we helped each other. It's like she was my life, I was to help her...I miss her so much sometimes when I hold back the tears, my throat just aches. Parents are toxic and broken, brother committed suicide four years prior to her death and a nephew did the same 18 months after his dad...she was so very strong, taught me everything I know. She helps me every single day, I know it. I just don't know what to do or how to do it, alone. No siblings, friends are great but I don't mean to be so grief stricken almost three years down this path. She was really all I had...divorced, no children of my own. I love her so much and wish we still laughed until we cried, sang loud in the car, snorted out our noses because we were hyperventilating by laughing so hard.
Thanks for allowing me this avenue.
My heart is cracking again tonight, where do I find the glue to hold it together?
xoxoxo to the moon and back, I love you that much!