What do I do?

by Hopeless
(Ohio)

I'm 29 and I was dating a 23 year old girl. I did not give her my 100% during our two year relationship and I often threatened breakup and would break up with her. She would call my phone repeatedly and cry and cry and I would always take her back within a a day or two. During our relationship I was talking to other girls via facebook and was caught on one occasion asking a girl out as she had went through my facebook. I believe at that point alot of trust went out the window. But we made it through that. She was always wanting to check my phone and go through my things and I would not let her as she would find things like picture negatives from Panama City Beach Florida from when I was 21 years old and freak out on me. Last February I broke up with her because things just weren't going well. For two weeks I went out and was seeing other women and things were going just fine. One day I received a call from a mutual friend of ours saying that he had went out with her and they got drunk and messed around. He said he didn't go all the way because he thought about me and couldn't. Needless to say we are no longer friends. At that point I was in a frenzy and I called her up crying and asking how she could do such a thing and I was begging for her to come back to me. At that point I just really wanted her in my life. After a few days back together it happened we were back together. Things were going ok but the trust issues were still there. I believe she fell even more in love with me then and through out the last year and would do anything for me. I continued to talk to other girls, but I had never acted on anything. I just couldn't bring my self to go out with anyone else. Well fast forward to September 2011. I went on a guys trip to Myrtle Beach. I went to a bar and met this group of women. One of the women took my cell phone took a picture and posted it to my facebook. I thought I had deleted but I did not. I then walked them home to their hotel and somehow I pocket dialed her. She heard me being flirty but nothing happened. She called me shortly after and I assured her the picture was a mistake and that nothing happened with those girls as I loved her and no one else. Was I being flirty yes but nothing happened and I know I was in the wrong. The next night I go out to the bar with the fellas again and there was that group well after a night of heavy drinking I kissed one of them. I'm not blaming it on the drinking I was fully aware of what I was doing. I never told her about this but it seems like she felt it. When I came home things continued to be rocky. I tried to break up with her again in October but it was more of the crying thing and I would take her back. In December a couple of weeks before Christmas I'd had enough again. She was always insulting me to make herself feel better. So I decided that was it I wanted out. She did not want out and she begged me for a week and I listened to her. She did not want me to see anyone else she did not want to give me space. I told her we weren't together but again we weren't apart to ease some of her pain. Well on December 23 I went to the barber shop and my phone loves to pocket dial her and it did it again and she heard all about Myrtle Beach when I assured her back in September I had did nothing wrong. She called me up when I was leaving and told me this would be the last time that she was ever going to talk to me. I told her good and to leave me alone. Nine days had passed and I was fine with the breakup until she just came to my mind and I wanted her back. At that point she did not want to talk to me. I texted and called and she wasn't hearing anything. I found out where she was going to be with her friends on Friday and took a large bouquet of flowers to her in a crowded restaurant and apologized for everything that I had done and asked for just a chance to make it right. Her friends thought that I was a joke and they didn't want me around because they wanted her to continue going out with them. I left and she went out that night. She called me the next morning and we had a discussion. She told me back in October that she had been set up on a date with another guy but she wasn't into it. She then told me she went out the day she heard my barber shop conversation and hooked up with a guy from a bar. I accepted these thing and I believe I deserved them from what I had put her though. Over the next two weeks I was treating her great doing everything the right way giving her all the attention she ever desired and I thought things were going great we were calling each other like we used to although she told me we weren't together but we were working on things. Last Friday she wanted me to stay with her at her parents house since they were out of town. I went over there and I had a nervous breakdown and was apologizing again for what I had done and told her I'd do or give anything to have her back. I started crying and could not stop. She called one of her friends up and they came over and her friend made me seem like a crazy person. I left and we haven't talked much since and its killing me. I miss her more than anything. She has started to move on and is going to bars and last night I drove by her house and there was a guys car in her driveway at 330 am. I thought maybe she just got a ride home but at 8 am that car was still there. I want her back so badly I can't hardly go on and I don't know how she is doing this to me. During a fight in December she was mad because we weren't engaged now she goes out to the bars Wednesday through Saturday and hooks up with guys. Everyone keeps telling me to give her space and she will come back. She told me the other day if its meant to be she will come back and that she loves me but she doesn't want to be with me right now. What should I do? Do you think she will come back? I want her back more than anything! I can't talk to any other girls even if I wanted. PLEASE HELP! I don't know if I can go on without her. I really believe she has moved on this time. If I had the choice between her and 10 million dollars I'd pick her. I've explained all of this to her but it seems she has just turned cold to me.

Comments for What do I do?

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Feb 08, 2012
Learn to Move On
by: Anonymous

I also have been through a hard break up but understand that the relationship will never work if both poeple are on the same page. It seems that when she was ready for a relationship you were not and now that you realized that she is moving on you want her back. The truth is how long will you be happy when you have her back. you had the opportunity before and you did not take it. I am sorry but it is best for you to move on and if you are meant to be you will but at this point I think you both need some growing up to do. Go out and meet new people it is hard at first but you will see that things get easier. Please do not drive by her house to see who is there...that is a stalker move and a little creepy.

Feb 05, 2012
You Must Move On
by: Anonymous

I know you are going through a lot of pain. Everyone on this site is. But I have to tell you the Truth. You and this girl are toxic together. What you had was not a relationship, and if you ever want to be happy, you must let this go and move on. I hate to say this, but you are almost 30 years old. You are not a child. You are a man. And the way both of you are behaving is like children in junior high.
I don't say this to be mean to you....I am telling you one of life's truths.....you have learned a lot from each other and that is good. You were meant to have the time you had, to learn about relationships. But you two have learned everything you can from each other. There is nothing more. There will only be pain and heartache if you keep pursuing this toxic connection. It is time....to grow up, to stop treating relationships and feelings like they are disposable, to move on to a real and loving relationship, and to learn from your past mistakes. I"m sorry....but sometimes tough love is what a person needs to hear.

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