What else? I lost my son, my husband and my daughter in a four year period.

by Mary Colletti
(Clearwater, FL)

Since the last death was 2½ years ago, I am expected to carry on as before this all happened. I haven't had time to grieve for one when I lost the next one. I am sad, lonely..I have never lived alone before. I am blessed that my remaining child lives very close with her family and is very supportive, but she too is getting impatient with me. She has lost her father and two siblings, but she has a husband, two children and a responsible job to keep her occupied. I am a retired RN, and have multiple health problems. My friends are married, work or volunteer full time and don't have much time to spare for me.

The first thing I read that made sense to me was the opening sentence in letters of Grief by C?S. Lewis that (not an exact quote) grief feels like fear. It does. I can finally identify what I am feeling in a way that people can understand. That helped a lot.

I am so lonely I have actually been contemplating investigating whether to seek a marriage, and if in the affirmative, how do I go about it. I was married 35 years, widowed five, and am 67 years old. I have observed more and more couples meeting and marrying through online dating services. This scares me to death, but I see the practicality of it. After five years of being widowed, and then nursing my daughter before she died, I have gotten used to living for myself And enjoying my daughter and grandchildren when I see them. I know that marriage requires a lot of moving over and sharing and doing things another person's way. I don't know if I can do that.

Has anybody out there have had a similar experience?

Comments for What else? I lost my son, my husband and my daughter in a four year period.

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May 13, 2014
Dear Mary,
by: Anonymous

I am sorry to read about your multiple losses. My heart breaks for you and all the pain you have endured. I hope you can find some comfort here on this website, and hope you can also find some peace along the way.

May 13, 2014
What else? I lost my son, my husband and my daughter in a four year period.
by: Doreen UK

Mary I haven't thought along those lines of re-marriage, but I can understand how you feel. You have lost so very much in life. Three of the most important people in your life have gone. I am sorry for your losses.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. 2yrs. ago to cancer. I keep myself occupied, but one can only do so much. I don't have the motivation to do anything. The only positive thing I have in my favour is my FREEDOM. I can cook and eat if I want to and very much please myself what I do, and when I do it. I want companionship but not marriage. LONELINESS is the worst emotional hurt in life. I always feared loneliness without knowing what it REALLY felt like. But it is worse after losing a spouse. My husband travelled all over the world and our country with his job as a carpenter and I should be used to being lonely. BUT. This type of loneliness is so different. I had 5 siblings, so I am used to being surrounded by people. I also had 3 children who are all adults now. BUT. They are living their own lives to the full, and I want them to be as happy as I was. I have 3 siblings living overseas, but 2 living in the UK. They don't keep in touch.
I have done voluntary work in the past and found this very fulfilling, but being almost 66yrs. of age I can't move like I used to with arthritis. I am limited in what I can do so this holds me back. But when I am busy I am at my happiest. I love Work, but hate SOLITUDE and having no one to talk to. I am happy I am this side of life, so know that I must make the most of each day whilst I have it. BUT WHAT? I have a lot of painting of the house to do, but it is the lack of motivation that lets me down. GETTING STARTED. is hard to do. The other day I was up painting the Pergola, and whilst I enjoyed doing it, I also felt sorry for myself having to do this at 66yrs. of age. when it stops raining I will be sanding and painting my husband's log cabin. I just hate all the achiness after working. But I would also really love to be enjoying retirement. Travelling now would suit me. But not on my own and not using public transport. Loved it years ago but not now getting older.
I felt a connection with your post. I can feel your LONELINESS as it ECHO'S MINE. But I hope you are successful in finding a companion to enjoy your life with. Please write back and let us know how you are doing. Best wishes.

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