What Happened on Feb. 15

FEBRUARY 15
It is the morning after we were at the hospital all night because they had to sedate him because breathing was too hard with the breathing tube in. It is around 9 in the morning and I wake up and to my surprise everyone else is asleep from the long night…

The phone rings and it is his oncologist and he mistakes me for my mom. He says that they did blood tests and there is a serious infection with his kidneys from his low white blood cell count, and there were slim chances of him actually coming out of the sedation. At that moment I almost died because I could barely breathe, and I hung up the phone. For 10 minutes I was alone, completely alone, and I did not know what to do.

I found it in me to get dressed and leave with my family, and then Jason, and Marlo to go to the hospital for the day. To sum it up, I sat around in that ICU room the entire day, waiting for my dad to die. That is one of the hardest things that I have ever done in my entire life, knowing and counting the minutes until he died was just horrific.

When I went in for the first time that day to talk to him alone, I told him that he couldn’t leave, and that everything was going to be okay. I told him that they were going to figure everything out and he was going to come home and everything was going to be better. Then the doctor came in and he told me “things are looking better for your dad you know, we are starting to figure it out”. Then he started to lower the sedation so they could see how he would react. Unlike everyone else, I forced myself to believe that he was going to wake up because I just knew he would.

So now it is late at night, and Melvin, Justice, and Taylor are taking a break and staying the night at the sutorius’ house to take a break. My mom says I should go home with my great grandma and get some rest. Well when I went in to say goodnight, I remembered that they had lowered his sedation medicine. Iwas in there alone, I was talking to him, just saying how he was going to wake up and everything was going fine, to wake up. And then my hand was resting next to his, and he held it and squeezed it, and i asked if he heard me and he started responding to me in blinks. At that moment I knew that me and only me was thinking he was going to make it. When he squeezed my hand, I thought it was going to be okay.

Then, I even asked him if he was going to be okay, and if he was coming home. and I said blink once if you are and twice if you aren’t. And he blinked twice; but I still didn’t let myself believe it. He laid there knowing he was going to die, and he had to tell me that. When I left that room, at 2:00 am on February 16 I had hope that he was coming home. Then five minutes after I left he died.

All the hope was gone, and I was off to go say goodbye to my father’s dead body, that was worn down for 13 years, all to lead to DEATH. It must of been hard to lay there knowing that. And all day he couldn’t say anything to anyone else. I think me being the only sibling to stay was for a reason. I was the only stubborn one who knew that doctors would be wrong. I think that is why he squeezed my hand, and answered by blinking.

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