What I miss the Most

by Yvonne

Roger has been gone 1 year and 1 month. Yesterday was my birthday. I spent it all alone. No one called . My kids sent cards. But to be all alone on a day he made so special. Yet, what I miss the most is that there is no one to tell my thoughts to. Those thoughts that are so unimportant to other people-but he would listen to. Those thoughts about life around us, the kids, just my feelings - there is no one to tell them to and I miss that so much. I am going through a depression right now and Roger would nave been able to talk me out of it. He always could. But now there is not even anyone to tell these feelings to because they all think I am doing so great. Actually I am faking it and no one knows the pain and the turmoil my heart is in. I really don't know where to turn and it hurts so bad!

Comments for What I miss the Most

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Oct 08, 2011
by: Donna

I am 7 months in and as I told someone---about the time that I think I am doing well, another wave hits me and knocks me down! I am just now joining a grief group with Hospice because I was too stubborn in the beginning. I have learned that if we don't do it now, we will do it later! I, too miss the mate who listened with such patience to me, the man who not only shared my life but my heart as well. We were married from the time we were children and literally grew up together and I miss him so much! We all feel your pain and I sincerely hope that the next birthday will be filled with more joy! Our truly believe that our mates would want it that way! In time....

Sep 14, 2011
He knows....

Dear I miss him too,

Reading your response I think that you have answered your own question. Yes he knows that you Love him, Yes you showed him that you Loved him, every day and in every way. He sees you now and watches over you. He sees you pain and only wants your happiness. He knows pretty much everything with astounding clarity. He knows what was is and what will be to an extent.

And as far as faking it...I guess we all did or do to an extent. But our eyes tell the truth for anyone looking deep enough. All the pain is still there until we somehow manage to find our way. Until then...Come here and come as often as you need. It has saved my sanity going on 2 years Dec. Things are just now coming around for the better but it took a lot of work and a lot of growing within to attain to maintain this "New Life" that we did not want nor ask for...

Sep 14, 2011
i miss him too
by: Anonymous

My dearest, You are not alone. i am going through the same agony and pain ... i had a big lost in my life too.and again same as u and others in this blog i used to pretend that i am happy and doing great. but in reality i am all alone. i missed him so much., and words cant say it. he was my back bone , my strength of my life. i dont know whether he knew i loved him so much. i dont know whether i expressed in in the right way ., i dont know whether he felt my love. Every night i think of him, i wish he can hold me talk to me,.. i wish i can talk to him one day. if a miracle happens and , if he appears in front of me one hour, in my life,.. i know this sounds so crazy. but this is how i feel.

friends and family say that time solves everything. but for me the fresh pain is not cured. and i will never be the same.

my dearest, we have to have faith. he will be watch u from heaven. he will be guiding u, and surely he will be loving u as much as he did in the past. nothing will ever change. the only thing u will be missing is, him , himself..physically.

my prayers are with u

Sep 14, 2011
missed things
by: Judy


Happy birthday! I have spent two birthdays alone now and I understand perfectly the feeling of being completely alone on special days. If you look back at my posts you will see I spent some time railing against the very things you are describing. I also had my front up and everyone thought I was doing okay. Now that I actually am doing ok I know that front is a necessary part of getting along. No one wants to hear the truth anyway. Having your front up makes it easier to travel through life as you heal along the way.

No one can replace that special relationship you had with your beloved. This is just one of the things we adapt to in the new reality.

Feel free to come here and say anything you want to say. One or many of us has felt and or said the same thing and we get it.

Hang on.


Sep 14, 2011
What I Miss The Most
by: Brenda Richison

Dear Yvonne, I lost my soulmate in 96'. Shot himself right in front of me! Then in 2001', I lost 2 best friends, 2 wks. apart, due to hanging themselves. Another, 1 mth. later from car accident. But, the biggest loss was my 26 yr. old son , due to shooting himself, in 2004. Yes, I fake it also. My family don't want me to talk about him. Don't take me to his grave or go to see him anymore. I haven't got to go there for 4 mths. now. I've been through hospital stays, meds. of every kind made, group therapy, psychiatrists that couldn't find meds. to help me. I've been to churches trying to find God again. I've talked to pastors, chaplains, anyone who would listen! Now, 7 yrs. later, I'm still faking it. I cry, miss him, love him, want to die also. No one wants to listen to me? Well, I've gotten stronger now and I'm going to do my own investigation, and try to find answers to "WHY?" he killed himself. I've got a time set to talk to his friend that was there. I'm going to get people to listen to me before I'm through! Yvonne, I'll pray for you and your family. If you need someone to talk to my address is brichison1@yahoo.com Email me anytime, day or night. I'll talk to you, and listen, too...May God give you some peace...Brenda Richison

Sep 14, 2011
Yvonne, California
by: Carolyn Rowan

Yvonne,California you seem to know best what I'm going through. can you please friend me so we can talk? I don't know how. I'm on facebook too.

Sep 13, 2011
I miss that too
by: M mack


You're not alone here because I am in the same funk, depressed. I am 14 months into this and believe me I know what you're saying. I miss him so much and I am very emotional over everything about him. Every day I relive our past with thoughts that pop into my head, things he'd say, what he'd think about this or that. I don't know if it's normal and I can't change this pattern. I actually don't want to. Call me crazy so be it. What I feel is private, and I keep these thoughts to myself. We are so used to the past life we had that it's hard to change that. Getting used to this new life will need more time for me. If I were nearbye, I'd give you a big birthday hug and I know you need one. Happy Belated Birthday Yvonne! Make yourself happy, even if it means a good cry, new necklace, your favorite slice of cake- because you deserve it. Hope you're feeling better and keep writing. We are here for you and you're never alone.

Sep 13, 2011
I miss it too...


I am so sorry to hear of your pain. I remember it well. If I could fast forward time I would bring you to where I am now. Still hurting but getting by so much better. I think that the later part of grief that gets you the most is the loneliness. Until you start to really get to know your self and accept the fact that for now we are alone. It is just looking for what we lost. If I do look or notice anyone, they are compared to Paul. I can't help it so I know that it is not time for me to "hook up" with anyone yet.

Men seem to be with someone within the year, I don't know how they do it. Just hitting the 2 year mark in Dec I am doing so much better than 6 months ago.

At first it was one day at a time. later I tried to make it a month at a time. I would flip the calendar to "that Day" and try to make it without "the day"(6th) swallowing me up and spitting me out emotionally.

Just keep coming here when you need to vent. It has gotten me through many rough moments. I find that replying to people helps too. Just talking to others that feel as we do and this is the one place that you can talk without judgement.

Have you gone to counseling yet? Hospice has bereavement programs that are for 6 weeks. If you go to a counselor just keep looking until you found someone you are comfortable with.
My best to you as you walk this long road of grief.

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