What Now , 6 months and all is still the same!

by Cindy
(Houston TX)

19 years with husband/friend and now he is gone. No children, parents are gone, just the dogs to comfort me. My family (half sister and brothers) have conveniently disappeared and I am so lonely wondering why my sister cannot be here for me. How am I 53 working and figuring out how to live out the rest of my lonely life. What happened to the little old couple sitting in Luby's eating dinner? I am a strong person, and certainly thought that I would cry and move on as I have not been affected by this grief before not even with the passing of a mother and father. I seem to have missed my 17 year old dog more than them. How sad is that? The last year of John's life was a emotional roller coaster dealing with cancer and always hoping for the best but eventually the cancer won. How do you survive the thought and vision ingrained in your head of your loved one taking their last breath? How do you make that horrible vision go away and not come back to haunt you anymore? How do you pretend like it all never happened and is just a bad dream.

All I can say is God please help me, if you have planned out my life, I can only hope and pray that you have a special someone/family out there waiting to find me.

I am certain others feel the same but how is it that so called friends just walk away without trying to comfort and help.

God please help me please..........

Comments for What Now , 6 months and all is still the same!

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Apr 14, 2011
what now?
by: Mari

I am so sorry for the way you are feeling ,Cindy. When you say''God help me'' just believe He will. You have to go through the grieving process. It is different for everyone.
Every morning I ask God to be with me throughout the day.
There are a lot of very wonderful people on this board that are here for you.
I know too what you mean about the vision of your loved one. You will experience a range of emotions during this difficult time. Remember that we care about you and how you feel and we feel it too.
My husband passed away a year and 5 months ago. He was beside me and he just curled up into a comfortable position and before going with the Lord he said,''I love you so much.'' I said I loved him so much too and he looked at me and just went to sleep.
I am coming along. The loneliness is helped by the new greatgrandaughter who is 3 months old and a 2 yr old Grandaughter who says,''Gamma, you are so beautiful.'' Now she knows how to get a smile out of someone. She actually remembers her grandpa. She brought me a picture and said ''Pompa.''
God will compensate in many ways.Just stay close to him. Sometimes it seems like a long time ago since my husband passed and sometimes like yesterday. So just take things a day at a time. God bless you.

Apr 13, 2011
She died 2 months ago
by: Bud

I have never been on such an emotional roller coaster. I thought I was getting better and then the deep grief came back. I too am strong but I am having difficulty getting used to the idea that she is gone and will not be back. We were married for 47 years. I'm 68 healthy and strong and alone except for raising two teen aged grand kids. Thank God for them. I would like to meet someone and date but its probably too early. I can't imagine living the rest of life without a mate.

Apr 12, 2011
What now, 6 months and all is still the same
by: M Mack

Cindy,

Losing your spouse, best friend in the world has a profound effect in your life. This doesn't go away and the healing process for this type of grief is different for everyone. It's eight and a half months for me since I lost my sweetheart and I will never forget that day, the vision in my mind and feeling in my heart. The only thing you can do is live through it, write it down, attend a grief counseling group, pray for strength to find comfort and understand you will survive this.

If you read back on this site, you will find people that are still writing, comforting others today. They posted early on, in such pain and sorrow, yet today they are helping others along to work through the grief process. I have found alot of comfort just knowing there are many out there who feel as I do.

Take your time and let the grief process move you along. Be kind to yourself even though you feel you don't have friends or family to help. The truth is, you are the only one who can help yourself. Most people are uncomfortable around survivors and don't know what to say, so they disappear. Feeling lonely is part of this and that seems to be the hardest for all of us. I work so that is where I'm finding some help but believe me, it doesn't do much for the long nights and weekends. At least I make myself get dressed, comb my hair and shower. Don't get me wrong, I still have set backs, melt downs and terrible days but after a good cry, I feel refreshed as though I had a good soul cleansing and continue on.

I pray for all of the many wonderful people on this site who don't deserve to suffer. Take care of yourself and be patient and know you are not alone.

Apr 12, 2011
what now, 6 months and all is still the same!
by: jules

Cindy - your friends don't understand - this didn't happen to them, it happened to you. Maybe you would be the same if the husband of one of your friends died, who knows?

Remember, we must live the life that has been given to us - it is the way you cope that is important. Know that your love would have wanted you to live your life as best you can - come to this site when you need reassurance - that is what we are all here for - there is so much caring, compassion and wisdom on this site - it has been my lifesaver over the past almost 17 months.

Every day - one step, one breath
take care
jules

Apr 11, 2011
CINDY
by: Anonymous

I am traveling this path also, and I hope there
is a place of peace out there some where. I don't go out because the breakdowns do not give warning
and I cry in public. But I'm trying to keep living.
My heart goes out to you and my deepest sympathy
May God send His angels to wrap you in comfort and love. I'll keep you in my prayers.

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