What Now?

by Kevin

My beautiful wife of 30 years died three weeks ago from cancer. She had beat it once in the 90's ..this second fight lasted 22 months. Losing her just feels terrible....I feel so lost ...what now???

Comments for What Now?

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Mar 12, 2012
My story ...
by: Anonymous


Others before me on this page have given you excellent advice.

Take it one day at a time, do the things you love, do not do the things you hate ... dont force yourself to do things you dont want to do ...

Surround yourself with your loved ones ...

If you want to sit in front of your tv for a week, eating home delivered pizza ... chocolates, whatever makes you happy ... that's fine ...

One day, you will begin taking small steps ...

In my case, it's 2 and a half years since my wife passed away because of her GBM ...

I am a great cook now, my kids and I survive very well, we have done lots of things together ... you know, like family achievements, milestone birthdays, etc ...

But I still feel empty ... day to day stuff I can manage without my wife now ... but emotionally I feel drained all the time ...

This makes me tired all the time ... however, I feel at peace, knowing that I am looking after my kids well, I am positive my wife would be proud of me, doing such a great job ...

Well, there's nothing more to say, we each need to journey through our personal grief ... but know that there are others who would be sympathetic to what you are going through, who understand, who dont want anyone in the world to feel such pain ... no one deserves it ...

Good Luck in your journey ... you will come out of it a stronger man, more at peace with yourself ...

Just take it one day at a time, and do what pleases you ... and nothing else ...

Good Luck again.

Feb 29, 2012
For Kevin
by: Mari

Kevin, I am very sorry for your loss. I know you are going through a very rough time and your loss is recent. Take each day at a time. Just keep going and surround yourself with loved ones.Thank God for the time you had with her and that she is no longer suffering.
There is a grieving process to go through and it is not easy but in due time there is healing.Just know that God is with you all the way. The journey is hard but God is good.Some day you will see your wife again.
We are here for you whenever you want to talk. We all care and we understand as we too have gone through losing a loved one.
My husband passed a way in Nov of 2009.I still miss him but am doing better. The grandchildren still miss him.I will always miss him. But he was very sick indeed with heart problems and diabetes and many other problems. I am thankful for the years we shared.
Take care of yourself Kevin and remember we are here for you.Keep posting whatever is on your mind and heart.

Feb 27, 2012
Thank You
by: Kevin

I really appreciate these comments...I need all the insight I can get as I travel down this path.

Feb 27, 2012
One Breath, One Day at A Time
by: Judith in California

Kevin, please know it will get better in time...your time and no one elses. Grieve as strongly aas you must and you will get to the other side of this horrible roller coaster ride of emotions.

Also please read more of lost spouse/loves on this site for insight as to what you are and will be feeling from the many folks who have gone before you.

I'm in my 17th month and never thought I would feel like I would be okay but with each passing minute and day you will find the peace and acceptance you seek.

God bless you on this journey.

Feb 27, 2012
what now?
by: momma anne

I'm so sorry for your loss, I wish I knew the answers but, I don't. I'm sure your wife would want you to go with life and not be sad but, rather happy for the years and times you two had. I tell my family all the time if I should die today do not cry for me, throw a big party and celebrate because you knew me and go on with life and make me proud. I do hope you find a way to continue until it's your time and you meet your lovely wife again in heaven.
much love and hugs, Ann

Feb 27, 2012
Just Do Your Best
by: TrishJ

My husband has been gone for almost 15 months. The first year I spent trying so desperately to hold on to my past. My husband loved me. Every morning I got, "Good morning honey, I love you." Even as ill as he was those last two years I heard that every day. How was I going to live my life without that?

It's still a work in progress. Every day I struggle to try to think about moving forward. Yesterday for the first time I admitted to myself that I'm scared. I'm afraid to face life without him. He was all I knew of life. He was there and "had my back" every day. I'm afraid to get a new job and not have him to come home to, to vent to. He really got me. I don't think anyone ever will get me like he did.

I have to move forward but it's the hardest thing I've ever been faced with. For now...you just have to take things one day at a time. The first 6 months I think you're doing well just getting out of bed and putting one foot in front of the other. I can tell you.....it does get better in little baby steps. Just like an infant...learning to walk and talk, we have to learn to do things in a completely different way. I cried for six months, "I want my husband back." Driving in the car alone I sounded like a wounded animal. It didn't even sound like my voice. He knows how I feel. Your wife knows that you love her and always will. All we can do is do our best knowing that we will be reunited with them again some day. It does get better but it happens so gradually you barely notice. Talking to God helps.

Be good to yourself and just take things as you can face them. Don't worry if you have days where all you want to do is sit, remember and cry. Tears are good for our soul.

I pray that you find a bit of happiness today. Your wife is smiling down on you.

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