What now?

by Andrew

Lost. My mum last year July & can't get my head around it still. Have never felt so alone & without guidance as I do now. I am 42 male so feel like I need to be strong & look strong in front of others. I don't talk about it at work and all though I have an older sister she has a large family of her own and has them around her. I am a realist (so I tell myself anyway) so try to think that everything will be ok, but I don't really feel like this. I am married & have 2 young children, I can't express how I feel to my wife as the truth is I don't really know what's going on in my head, just upset & denial .Not sure why I'm writing this but it feels quite easy to do so, don't know what I need or want, or what I can do about it.
Feel like I am getting on with my life but the truth is its all a lie &the most frustrating thing is I know why I am like this, I also know there isn't much I can do to make it better (time I guess) but that doesn't make me feel any better at all. My previous statement about getting on with my life can't be true & I'm sure I'm just covering it all up, but what choice do I have?
Miss my Mum terribly though. Time eh!!

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