What People Say

It is interesting what people say to me. My husband died in July 2010. A little over six months ago. I am just now coming out of the fog and everything is hitting me. The word alone and the word forever have completely new meanings for me. But what people say to me is so offensive sometimes. You will get over it, you forget in time, my mom died. In the first place I will never get over him, he was my life, Forget that this man meant everything to me? And the fact that another person had passed away doesn't ease my pain it just makes me realize their pain.

But the best one was yesterday. I was told (matter of factly) that some time in our lives we will all go through this. Mmmmmm and????? I don't know how that eases my pain. I did say though that there will be no one in this world that will feel the pain of my dying the way I felt the pain of my husband's, because no one will have that same relationship with me. It is so hard on the first survivor. I miss my husband terribly. I realize people don't know what to say. But I WONDER IF THEY REALLY THINK BEFORE SAYING ANYTHING!

Comments for What People Say

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Feb 05, 2011
what people say...........
by: Linda(Quebec)

I couldn't agree more .
A so called friend said to me when my husband died 7 weeks ago.......
"YOU HAVE NO FUTURE"!!!!! well there isn't much you can say to that is there?
Another said "How was the funeral?" Again what can you say to that!

You are so right about the pain you feel at the loss of your husband ,I would like to go through a day without that gut wrenching feeling I get when I realise he's not coming home.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts....it makes me see I'm not alone in my experience.

Feb 05, 2011
Oh excuse me? is that supposed to help?
by: worn out widow

Until you walk in our mocassins you do NOT know what to say to those in grief. I had another older widow simply say I know it hurts but it will get easier with time. That is probably the least hurtful thing that anyone has said. I of course did not really believe her 6 months ago. But now it will be 14 months tomorrow 2/06/11. The pain is not gone nor will it ever be. There will always be something to kick start a memory but I think that my recovery time is faster. Yes I still weep on occasion, but not every day. And some memories bring a sigh and pang of loneliness. But not the earth shattering grief that made it damn hard just to get through the day. I can tell you that I used to want to throttle people with their stupid thoughtless remarks. Now I do not mention that my husband died. It is no longer what I feel is anyone's business nor is it who I am. That part is now private. My grief is no longer public as it once was. It is my hurt and my anguish. Since people rarely know what to say. I keep that part the horrible part of my life to myself.

When I have blue days I come here. It is the only place where I feel comfortable stating my feelings. No one here is going to make me feel like shit because I am lonely, or my self esteem is about a 5 on a scale of 20. Forgive them they know not what they say. We know you are safe here. And we are open 24 hours a day thankfully...

Feb 05, 2011
What people say
by: M Mack

Yes I so agree with you about the comments from others. I'm sure they are at a loss for words because really.....they don't KNOW what it feels like especially at 6 months. My sweetheart died July 23rd and I die with him every month around the death anniversary. We had a special once in a lifetime love and I will never ever forget about him. I am not numb anymore just angry he's not here. Yet there's nothing I can do about it. As the survivors we have the right to feel what we do, grieve in our own way. Please take comfort knowing you're not alone. We hear you and feel the sorrow. Take care and hang in there...I'm on the same ride as you.

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