What purpose is there for me?

by Cindy

It has been 3 1/3 months since my husband of 35 years has passed away and I have no purpose on this earth. I so wish God had taken me with him. He was my whole life and I loved him so very much! I just cry everyday and not one understands this feeling, not even my parents that have not lost each other. They just tell me I have to go on but I don't want to. My two kids have their own lives and I am here so alone. I just don't understand.... Rusty & I had a wonderful marriage and he would leave me notes on the counter when he went to work telling me how very much he loved me! I just don't want to live anymore.

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Mar 09, 2011
Where do I go from here?
by: Susan

I lost my husband Jan. 18,2011 from cancer. I was with my husband for 30 yrs. The doctors kept saying they were going to save him. They didnt! Eight months of suffering. I kept him home and took care of him the whole time. There were times I didnt think I was going to make it, but I did. The hardest thing to have to watch is someone you dearly love suffering! I have three children. Two are his. My first sons father I also lost at eighteen. He drowned! My husband I lost was his friend that I fell in love with! He took my son and raised him like his own. I always thought we were just meant to be together and then God took him away too! Why? He was a good man that had a tuff childhood. I showed him how to love and now my children are all grown and this was supposed to be our time. I hate this! Why me? I never asked for much! I just wanted to have time for us to travel and see other places together. Now Im all alone and dont know how to make it! Where do I go from here? He was a great man! Now I feel lost and lonely! Im not even fifty yet. I feel like its not fair! Where do I go now?

Mar 08, 2011
No One Really knows or cares (by: Belinda)
by: Lisa

When I read this, I could swear it is me talking. I lost my husband January 1, 2011 and everything written here is me. We also did everything together. I could not go to the grocery store for almost two months. We stayed outside in summer and listed to music and had drinks on Fridays. Mine died at home. I used to be picky about house...now, who cares. I did everything for him. I truly hope that I don't wake up in the morning. The day he died, I shopped for him because he had had an angiogram, so I didn't want him lifting anything. He got a clean bill of health. So much for trusting a doctor. One day after the good report, he died. I feel I cannot go on. I robotically go through every day and then cry when I am able to without too many people seeing. I cannot look at a picture without crying and thinking of how there will never ever be anymore tomorrows with him. I won't have anymore laundry of his to do or anymore plans to make with him. He won't be there to put cream on my back for me or to cheer me on when I am blue. He was the glass half full and mine was half empty. I too wake up in the morning with "nothing to look forward to again" as Jackie said in another message. This is the first time I am writing on the website. Don't usually do this, but caught sight of Cindy's message. Cindy please take care of yourself and you too Belinda. I cannot even eat at home because I end of crying and choking in what I try to eat. My dinner ends up being leftovers or cookies. So much has changed in my life and I always thought I was sick of cooking and sick of cleaning and on and on. I would do anything for his snoring, and his crumbs on the floor and to be able to cook a nice meal for him again. I have nothing to live for. What do I do??

Mar 07, 2011
Understand Your Feelings
by: Donna

Cindy, I feel your pain and understand your feelings of not wanting to go on without your husband. You were blessed with 35 years with him and he was your life. I lost Bobby almost 3 mths. ago (we were only married for 3-1/2 years) & I wish that God or death "whatever" had taken me with him too. I have no desire to remain in this world as it is now. A world without him in it is not a world worth being in. That said, as I have told the rest of my family, I am not going to do anything to physically harm myself but I would not be sad if my time comes up quickly. I think that you can have these feelings without necessarily acting upon them. I pray that with time and I think it will be a very long time that my attitude will change and I will want to be here. What I am doing now is going through motions, existing not truly living. You will be in my thoughts and prayers, Cindy.

Mar 05, 2011
There is a purpose for you!
by: M Mack


I feel really bad for you tonight and very concerned. I know how much this grief is wearing on you. I hate to say it but this doesn't sound like "a bad day". Please don't ignore this message, and get an appointment with a professional counselor. Call your kids or someone that can come over and give you a little time. You just need someone near for support. It has only been 31/2 months and that was my worst time of all.

Everything settles in, memories take hold and the loneliness is unbearable. Even now going on 8 months I'm so sad and find myself wanting him so bad it hurts. You are not alone here and you must find out how to deal with this grief. Where there's a will, there's a way so hang in there....it's not easy but you can do it. We are here for you and need to know your ok. Hugs and prayers are coming to you from Chicago.

Mar 05, 2011
My sweet Cindy
by: Gregg

My companion passed 2 months and 3 days ago. I've written my will but I know I must go on in honour of my Craig. I must carry our torch alone and it's going to be a very difficult journey and I've just started. But if you give up and attempt then your loving partner's passing will mean nothing and you don't want the people in your life who love you to go through what you are going through. Be strong dear Cindy and take comfort in knowing you will be reunited soon. It's just that your work in life is not over. Honour him, cherish the memories you have with him and take comfort that he lives on in your heart. I'm so sorry for your loss and I know what you are going through. It hurts sometimes unbearably and it helps me to write to him in my journal every night before I go to bed.

Mar 05, 2011
No One Really Knows Or Cares
by: Belinda

I Lost My Husband, It Has Now Been Eight Months And I Still Talk To His Chair, Just As If He Was Still Sitting There, And When I Am Doing Things In The House Or The Yard, I Still Say Things Like, "How Does This Look Boo, Or, Well I Didn't Get Everything Done Today That I Wanted. I Have His Picture In Every Room So That No Matter Where I Am I Can See Him. My Life Is Very, Very Lonely, We Did Everything Together, And I Do Mean Everything. Grocery Shopping, Riding Our Motorcycle, Going For Walks, Garage Sales, And Every Afternoon I Would Make Sure I Had Makeup On Before He Came Home And Then We Would Sit Out In Our Back Yard And He Would Tell Me All About His Day, We Would Stay Out There In The Summer Until It Got Dark, And Even Sometimes Later. I Really Hate The Phrase "You Will Bounce Back ", I Don't Have The Flu. He Died At Home, But There Was One Time When I Had To Take Him To The Hospital And I Crawled Up On The Bed With Him And Laid There, And It Made Him Smile. He Has The Most Beautiful Smile In The Whole World. I Use To Be Very Picky About How Our House Looks, Now I Really Don't Care Because He Is Not Here And I Did It For Him Anyway. He Was Always Telling Me That If It Wasn't For Me He Would Not Still Be Alive And That I Was The Strongest Woman He Has Ever Known, But You See I Was Only That Way Because I Had My Stevie. I Could Go On And On About Him But I Don't Because No One Wants To Hear It And They Don't Care. I Have Tried To Get Out But When You Go To The Store And Start Putting Things In The Cart For Him, And Then I Start To Cry, Because I Realize What I Am Doing. I Went Into The Bathroom At Home To Do The Laundry And Thought, Why Isn't There Any Clothes In Here, Well Because I Am Stupid, He's Not Here, So You Don't Have His Clothes To Do Anymore.

Mar 05, 2011
me too
by: Jackie

Hi Cindy, I couldn't agree more. My husband passed away almost 5 months ago, it seems like yesterday. We were married 37 years. We had a good marriage and enjoyed each other. I hate this life. I have nothing to look forward to. My children say to me, it will be ok. How can it be with him gone. I hate being alone so much, I can't stand this. I hope and pray for you and the rest of us in this horrible life. Please take care of yourself, hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Mar 05, 2011
your reason your purpose shall surface, but now when you want it to.


Your words worry me. If you do not want to live literally, go seek help NOW. I know that things are tough but I learned 1st hand there is a big difference between grief and depression. It is a fine line, but you just can't shake depression. Its not three bad days and one good or rather O.K. It is a bottomless pit where you think nothing of yourself and don't care what happens. The 3-6 month mark is especially brutal and emotional. But please check in with your Dr. to see if you need further help NOW.

I did not to live without my Love, but I never wanted to join him in death. Please find out if this is the downward spiral of grief or worse.
I hit bottom at the year mark. I knew somehow it was different than grief and I finally swallowed my stubborn pride and called for an appointment.
I did get lost going to that appointment but am following up March 17th. Don't let the stigma of "mental Health" stop you from getting the help that you need. I lived months with depression and it is starting to finally let up. I don't know why or how it began to leave me but am grateful that I knew something wasn't quite right.

Take care of yourself, it is o.k to do and quite necessary for you sanity.

Mar 05, 2011
Your Pain
by: Yvonne

I do feel your pain. Roger was my world. Our anniversary is next week and I don't know how I will get through it. I pray for you. I pray for me. I just want him next to me. He never did anything to anybody. Don't expect people who haven't been there to understand, you just get those weird looks. Everyone says takes baby step but some days it is hard to take any steps at all.

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