What Remains Behind

by Patricia Jones
(Lake Villa, IL)

Last picture together July 2010

Last picture together July 2010

Tomorrow will be 4 weeks since the death of my beautiful husband, love and best friend Joe. We had such high hopes for a transplant but it didn't happen. The 2 years prior to his death was such a dramatic up and down ride. I called it life in limbo. We all felt like we were treading water trying desperately not to lose any ground but really going no where. We waited, and waited and waited some more until God finally called him home.

Tomorrow is New Years Eve. I'm caught somewhere between the numb I'm in denial phase and harsh reality slapping me in the face. I cry, I relive his last day, I hear my words over and over again telling the doctor to go ahead and stop the heart device that was keeping his heart beating.

I thank God daily for the blessings I have been given in my life. A few weeks prior to his death we were driving to a doctor's appointment. Joe said, "You know I might not it make to transplant. We have be realistic. Things haven't always been smooth for us (the loss of his business and our first home, his declining health problems, my brothers death at 33, his brothers death at 50, the deaths of our parents) but we sure raised two fantastic kids didn't we?" We sure did!!

My son, daughter and grandsons are my life now. Joe would want me to be strong. Facing 2011 frightens me to my core. I know with God's help I will make it through. It's not an easy road and not one I'm happy to be traveling.
The poet William Wordsworth wrote:
What though the radiance which was once so bright
Be now for ever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind...

That is what I will be focusing on tomorrow as midnight arrives. I will find strength in what remains behind. It doesn't make me miss him any less and ache to see him just one more time but with God's help I will get through this.
I pray for all of us this New Years Eve that for 2011 we might be able to focus less on our grief and more on the blessings that remain.

Comments for What Remains Behind

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Dec 31, 2010
What remains behind
by: Mari

What a beautiful picture. I can just see the love that you shared. You need time. There is no way to get out of the grieving process. But you will with God's help.

You have a wonderful family to help you through.
I am very sorry for your loss. I know this is a most difficult time for you. Your husband is safe with the Lord. It sounds as if you have some very nice memories.

My husband passed away a year and a month ago. I still miss him so much. I am doing better of course but sometimes there is a feeling of unreality as if he will walk in the door from work and give me a big hug. I actually feel his presence sometimes. He was the love of my life.
I am sorry that he will not see the new great-grandaughter that is due any time. But maybe he will look down from heaven.

I will pray for you too Patricia. Just take care of yourself and stay close to the Lord. We are here for you whenever you need to talk as this is a wonderful board with caring people. God bless you.

Dec 30, 2010
You are so strong
by: Cindy


You are so strong... I lost my husband on Nov. 15, 2010, after having quadruple bypass surgery. He was doing great. I had him home for two weeks and he just sit down in his chair and said he was dizzy and just feel back.

I just don't understand why God has to take such wonderful people. He was such a good man and husband for almost 35 years. I am so lost in my grief. He was my whole life and I miss him so very much. I don't even want to think about 2011 without him. It just seems impossible that he is gone and I will never see him again on this earth.

I do pray for all our strength to carry on without the love of our lives. It is so difficult every day to wake up and know that he is not there by me.

Take care,

Dec 30, 2010
Grief is not endless, it just seems that way

Patricia J,

What wonderful words you share with us. I know that it is not easy to see Hope through the pain that you feel now. Just know that the pain will not cease like a clock that has come unwound. Pain one day will be replaced with the fond memories that we shared with those that we Love and miss so much.

The hardest part for me being a year in is to allow happiness in my door instead of slamming it and staying with the grief that I have grown used to.

New painful grief or older grief still burns much like rubbing your eyes with ben gay.

Keep a bandanna on you at all times you never know when you'll need it and it is much softer than gloves.

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