What to do now?

by Julia Marie
(Sacramento, Ca USA)

I lost my mom on Dec. 30 2012. This past year I have been helping her accept death. I helped her in her illness. Now what? Her funeral and burial were just a couple of days ago Jan. 21 and 22. That was a lot of work, but it was good to memorialize her. Now what? If I stop doing things I have to let her go. A lot of my life was her and always has been. Now what? I feel so heavy. I have to go to work today and all I want to do is sleep.

Comments for What to do now?

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Jan 26, 2013
What to do now?
by: Doreen U.K.

Julia you are like me and Pat and other's who lived their life for other people around them and so we become lost. WE don't know what to do about ME. The loss somehow causes us to lose who we are as a person and we suffer an IDENTITY CRISIS. Who am I? What do I do Now? Where do I go from here? We become Co-dependent. WE can't survive in the world unless we are caring for someone. It is hard. I too feel better when I am giving of myself to other's. It somehow gives my life value and meaning. e.g. BORN TO SERVE. There is nothing wrong with this but we now have to go and find ourselves and restructure our lives. It can become an exciting discovery once we have moved better through our grief into HEALING. from our loss.

Jan 25, 2013
What to do now?
by: Pat

Dear Julie, I ask myself this everyday. I lost my brother, father, and fiancee within a period of 5 months in 2011. Although my father and brother were in another state, they were very much a part of me. When my fiancee passed, he had been seriously ill for 10 weeks. I had to do everything for him, including becoming his power of attorney so I could access his bank account and pay his bills. After he died and all the activity to help him died too, I am left with the same question you have, but I have been asking far longer than you have. I think we have to redefine our lives. Who am I without my loved one? Finding the answer to this question is not easy, when we have had such an obvious pre- determined course to follow. Of course, we would help the people we love. It's natural. You are probably like I am; a natural born caregiver and now that my care giving is no longer needed, I am lost too. We go through changes all of our lives and find our way through them, but this change involves an obstacle that is harder to deal with than anything else we have faced. I am working on journaling right now, as a way to help me gain some insight into where to go from here. Take care, my friend. Let me know how you are doing.

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