What was That? What Just happened?!!
This is not a story of grief but still is a story about grief and the Joy that grows from such an awful unimaginable unspeakable dismal feeling that attacks your soul when death takes the Love that you once had.
This morning I felt a melancholy twinge begin to take over my mood as I started work. I thought oh no... Please not today. I am so sick of this miserable feeling taking over my life! It has been almost 2 years Please just let me be. I went into the bathroom and said a little prayer, I begged the great unknown to Please allow me some peace from grief. Not to let it ruin my day again and just to allow me a little joy from within that I have experienced with some regularity, getting better day by day.
Not that I am embarrassed at the tears the come now and then thinking of My Love. What we once had, the memories assailing my mind at an inconvenient time. (work) Trying so Very hard to concentrate at the business at hand but the tears come anyway. I even asked my sister for some way to distract my mind so that these feeling would not overwhelm me and ruin my day.
Then I began to serve 150 kids breakfast, This feeling came over me that can only be described as an overwhelming Joy! And the song came to me one of those songs we heard as children "Oh I've got Joy Joy Joy Joy down in my heart..."
Not especially religious more of a Golden Rule type of person I could not explain not describe this overwhelming contentment that came over me...
I said Thank You! Thank You! in my mind to this great unknown phenomenon that was somehow occurring to me. It was as If there were an Aura around me and I caught what might be a glimpse of...what heaven might be like. It was if I had had an injection for my pain in an emergency room but It was the pain of my heart, trying like crazy to escape the anchor of grief.
I have never had anything like this happen before but It felt as if it were a gift and some type of insight to some bizzaro unreal overpowering contentment that was never experienced by me before.
I shall remain anonymous as this would deem me a religious nut (I am Not) or some bogala boogila nut job. I assure you that logic and skepticism rules my demeanor for all that I can not feel see or hold is the norm for me, though Not from Missouri the show me state.
From: A (almost) 2 year grief veteran.