When did this begin, where will it end???
I wish , and I have tried to give more description herein to the losses that began for me in 2005. My love, Tony, who I had shared 13 years with, great memories, and fabulous trips we never would of taken without each other, ( I was 43, he was 52) passed because he chose not to simply go to a doctor and be treated for something that he may of survived...he did not.
Six months later, my Mom, who had been sick for several years with heart, lung, and eventually kidney disease passed at home with my older sister, brother, myself, and my Dad doing our best round the clock taking shifts....
That was 2006--in 2007 one of my best friends in the world died of cancer at 54--I was unable to open myself up to her as I was still dealing with my grief, and will always feel guilt for that...
In 2008 my Daddy passed, with also heart and lung disease that he managed in a quiet, graceful manner after many hospital stays, he fell to the floor in our family home after I had spent a long day with him (Thank God for that) in front of my Brother and was pronounced brain dead.
In 2009, a new love, I had stupidly taken a chance on, was diagnosed with Fourniers Gangrene, due to MRSA on NEW YEARS DAY and was given a 20% chance of survival...after the removal of the infected areas, which were mainly in the groin area, and very much affected his body image, he did survive to come home. Although, he never quite recovered physically or emotionally after that point, I stood by him and WITH him.
In this year 2010, my Beloved Brother, Fred, dropped unexpectedly with a brain hemorrhage, and died within hours. I believe the death of my parents took him home.
My Wally, who had survived 2009, died three months later of kidney and liver failure at our home with me caring for him after the doctors told me he had very little time left. Both of these men were 57 at the time of their death. That was in September.
I am now 49---broken in pieces, managing as best I can, and I am trying. This last day or two have been a living hell, as has been the last too many years of life. I am frightened of the New Year, while looking forward, I am afraid of what is next.