When does it stop?

by Jack Wilson
(Omaha NE)

May 5th 2009. Got up early to take my teenage son to the Dr. After a couple hours we returned to find my wife of 27 yrs. on the front room floor behind the chair where she had been sleeping when we left, unresponsive. She had wet herself and was incoherent. We lifted her up on the couch and tried to get her to respond. Wasn't happenin'. Call 911.

After many hours in the hospital they told us the news, massive stroke and a seizure. Entire right side is useless. After about 16 weeks in three different hospitals, insurance runs out and home she goes, now keep in mind that she is still unable to use the restroom by herself and with exactly one weeks training I'm left to take care of her. A very stressful situation to say the least

Fast forward to Aug 2nd we get a call from our 2 year old grand daughter telling us her Mom is sleeping and won't wake up. We just figured that our 30 year old daughter fell asleep and was just napping. After about two hours of these calls we decide I better go see if everything is okay. It only takes me about ten minutes to get to her house where I go into the bedroom to wake Lisa up and tell her to keep an eye on Maria. She's not in bed, I rush through the house and into the kitchen where I find my baby on the floor but she wasn't asleep, she was gone. I dialed 911 and performed CPR until they had to pull me off. They said she passed the night before and I was just wastin' my time, don't they have babies? Burying my baby and finding her on that floor are by far the two hardest things I've ever had to do.It's been over a year now and a day don't go by that I don't think about her many times a day. I spend at least four days a week at the cemetery, I miss her so much.

And it don't stop there, my wife has been hospitalized two more times for a heart attack and lung problems, makin' me wonder if I'm not given her the care she needs. She's been home a week since the last trip to intensive care.
Since the passing of Lisa, my youngest daughter has had court ordered custody of her two children until Monday when the Nebraska Supreme Court determined that Maria's biological father, who is a Mexican citizen, should have full custody. He don't like us and will probably never let us see her again, It's like losin' another child, we have 13 days left.

I am by no means feeling sorry for myself, I'm trying to stay strong for the rest of my beautiful family. I guess what my question is is when is it my turn to grieve? I fight back tears every day, several times a day, but I know it can't last much longer, I getting wore out, I don't know how I've gotten this far....How much more can a guy take??

Comments for When does it stop?

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Sep 02, 2010
Your Loss
by: Christina

My heart breaks for you. I am in tears from reading your post. I am here for the opposite situation. I am a 30 year old daughter who lost her Daddy this past Friday. He was 60 and after a complete physical a month ago, was pronounced 'healthy as a horse'. Then he went to sleep Friday and never woke up. No signs of trauma, nothing. He was just laying in the bed, peaceful and beautiful. I am obviously crushed.

The pain just oozes from your posting, and I know there is nothing I can say or do to help you. I can only hope you find some peace.

Much love from a stranger a state away.

Sep 02, 2010
Grieve at will
by: HH


It's most certainly time for you to grieve, Past time in fact you have been staying strong out of necessity, I know I took care of my husband that had a stoke and several Grand Mals too. I was the strong one and did what I had to. But holding this grief in is detrimental for your health. I get it you need to appear strong in front of your wife/ family and not let her/them see how bad off you are.

So you're so strong you don't need help at all, you dealing right? No, get some help, get some relief from grief, and not just at this site. You don't have the time to do anything for you, but you need to make time and without guilt. You are not superman just a mere mortal.

You want relief you want answers well part of that is just getting it out. And though answers may not be cut and dry. The first thing they tell you is take care of the caretaker. Please seek some relief. There is a wonderful thing that I used and surely you have something similar.

Brain Injury Association of Virgina, Inc.

Look it up online for help it is out there and as a caretaker you must keep up your mental and physical health to continue. It helped me through the year following My husbands stroke.
Please.....seek help. HH

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