when does the pain stop

I left him but the grief is all mine. I was with my partner for 16 years. He was my one and I saw myself being with him till the end.

Our relationship certainly wasn't the best of relationships. I loved him. I was in love with him. At the end I was under a lot of stress which had built up over the years and got some bad advice that I didn't think through properly.

I left but in my heart, I expected to return. He never loved me and I knew that but I guess I never thought he would move on so quickly.

If I could take it back I would. I'd live out my days with him even knowing he would never love me. I wasn't happy then but there were moments of happiness which got me by.

I have no heart to find myself another man. I have become a semi-recluse. It's as painful as it was in the beginning though it's been almost five years. I still love him. The pain never stops. It's worse than in the beginning because the hopes and dreams I made up back then are all gone.

I can't see the end of pain.

Comments for when does the pain stop

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Nov 24, 2012
RE: I feel your pain
by: Anonymous

My ex didn't cheat on me - he only found his replacements after I left. I guess it's because he needs to always be in a relationship. Our issues were other things.

Conventional wisdom says that you should leave when your partner does these sorts of things. I am certain I could have accepted the issues and been content and happy but its all gone now except for my memories. I treasure the good times and I won't let anybody take those away now.

I had one counselor tell me I should remember the reasons I wasn't happy which I don't think anybody would tell you to do if your partner had died. I want to remember our love and the good times we shared. This has brought me more peace than remembering the bad times.

Maybe it's always going to hurt because divorce is like death. I've decided not to force myself to 'move on' by finding another relationship. If another relationship finds me then so be it. Being alone is ok for me.

Making these decisions has brought me some peace. I hope you can find your peace too.



Nov 22, 2012
I feel your pain
by: Anonymous

I cannot begin to tell you how much I can relate to your post. He had the affairs and did not love me and I ended it - never once thinking that it was actually over. Four years later and here I sit a semi-recluse who is miserable and can't find happiness. In those four years I have dated but no one is right. I don't think I will ever love again and I'm not the type to pretend.

When does the pain stop?

Nov 17, 2012
thanks for your kind comments
by: Anonymous

Thank you for your kind comments.

My ex probably did love me in his own way. I was at least special to him. He did find many others to replace me but only because it was the easiest thing for him to do at the time which is just how he is. He is only in love with himself I guess. I guess too I always accepted that and loved him anyway.

I believe he was my Mr Right even if he was far from ideal.

I have let him know that he is welcome with me. I hope that he does come back.

I've found some peace in knowing that what we shared was real and it was love even if it was a little one-sided. I will wait for him to come back and if he doesn't, I'll resign myself to remaining alone.

Sep 07, 2012
You're Special
by: Anonymous

Hi, im recently feeling what you are feeling. Its not easy i know cause even now i feel empty. And im lucky that i have a psychiatrist friend that guides me, since the beginning of our relationship ( i needed her to keep me sane, cause my ex was clinically depressed ). Something i noticed in this period is: we might be suffering from guilt and questions that couldn't be answered. Stop. Learn to forgive yourself, the damage has been done. You may not see the bigger picture now but in reality, relationships are two way street. You did not cause the loss alone. If he truly wants to be with you. He will not leave you. Right now. My self therapy is i pray. Because i know the only One that i can talk to without judging me is God. I have to have faith in something in order for us to look forward to the next days.. Just pray. And believe.

Aug 16, 2012
when does the pain stop
by: Doreen U.K.

Dear heartbroken, Your loss is eating you up and since it has been almost 5 years your partner left. You seriously need to see a grief counsellor URGENTLY. You need to explore more fully the relationship and how you can best move forward. Your grief is so very painfull because you love deeply. You made mistakes, and who doesn't. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. I had a husband like this in the beginning and he wanted to change me. He couldn't. We had a few difficulties and he nearly left. I was totally committed to him and loved him so deeply I put up with not having the relationship I wanted. My husband in his own way did love me. But it was more about him not loving himself. We were married 44yrs. my husband had a severe cancer and I nursed him the whole 3yrs. He died 3 months ago. It was an honour and privelege to have loved him till death. It is very hard when only one of the partnership does the loving. It would be a miracle for this type of relationship to work. But not impossible. You need counselling in order to get over loving him so that you would be able to go on and give your love to someone who deserves it and will love you in return. My son is married to someone like this. HE LOVES DEEPLY. His wife is not sure if she loves him and is still in relationship with her EX. With the correct support you will eventually move on and find someone who will really love you. You will know it and you will look back and wonder what all the fuss was about. THE PAIN WILL STOP when you come to the realization that HE loves someone else and you don't deserve second best. If he never loved you, why is it so hard to let go of him? You will see the end of the pain when you realize that you have wasted 5 years grieving over a relationship you can't have because it has moved forward by 5 years and you could be missing out on great happiness with someone who can love you back in return. Just make sure you have counselling to help you so that you are totally over Mr. Wrong and this won't affect a new relationship with Mr. Right.

Aug 16, 2012
Hang in there...
by: Anonymous

I'm so sorry for your pain. I can't even imagine what you are feeling, but there is a future for you and you will find love again but only if you open yourself up to the opportunity. You must first accept that you are worthy of real love, and that you deserve more than to love someone who never loved you back. Then you must realize that your future depends on you and not on anyone else regardless of your relationship with them. Albert Einstein once said, "If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things." This means you need to set a goal for yourself and work towards accomplishing that goal. I know you probably think it's easy for me to sit here and say that you need to forget the one you love because they never returned the love, but it is the truth. You can't let the hope you had for the relationship that failed hold you back from the possibility of true happiness and the love that is waiting for you in the future. I hope you soon begin to heal and that you find the love you deserve.

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