When does the pain stop
My grandmother passed in 1993. I was 17 just had a baby a month early in March and she died around the due date my daughter was suppose to be born April 2nd. I'm shaking right just thinking about all of this. Wow can't move forward .I'm 38 years old and still crying like it happened yesterday. I didn't go to her funeral because I did not want to see her laying there like that. Mama went into the hospital because she was always in so much pain had a operation never made it home. The operation was now over I told my mother my grandmother did not breathe like that when she sleeps. A nurse that was fitting for compression stockings said that is normal I disagreed. We left to pack up her belongings because she was moving with us when she got out of the hospital. We received a call that evening it's like we all just knew it was about her we were screaming. The said she had a heart attack and was found on the floor!!!!! So when was the last time they had checked on her? My mother didn't allow us to talk about her so we kept it all inside. My kids aren't allowed to ask me questions about her because it hurts so bad. I feel like this is the cause of my unhappiness. I'm not a good mother or wife, can't show them love I buy them things and that's my way of showing them I love them but I can't hug them or tell them that I do just don't know how.
I'm so scared of someone leaving me that I realized I hold to tight and I'm pushing them away from me.
I just want to feel better and be able to cope.