When Faith is All That Exists


(Baltimore, MD)

I have always been a control freak, reluctant to allow anyone to have a say-so over my life and my journey. My husband had suffered from asthma attacks in the past but none had been as severe in over 15 years, prior to us meeting. The Saturday it happened was so calm, ordinary. We had gone to the movies the night before, one of our favorite pastimes. I often replay the moment his lips started to turn blue, him going into cardiac arrest. While we weren't out of the woods, I just knew I was bringing him home from the hospital in a few days. The doctors said no, I fought with them, saying that my God said, YES. Doesn't anyone believe in miracles? While we say we have faith, do we actually surrender to God? Should I be questioning my own faith. God I ask, when and will my sun shine again? I'd rather us be apart than him gone in the physical. In my prayers and hopes for success I had asked God to remove anything standing in the way. Was I supposed to be more specific? Since we met me and Baby were inseperable. Only we understood our jokes. Is this my lesson in surrendering to God's will? What's next, my heart is numb...

Comments for When Faith is All That Exists

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Oct 20, 2012
When faith is all that exists
by: silver

My faith is all that is keeping me from lying down and giving up.My baby sister died at 44 in 2001 from an asthma attack.My father died Dec.2009,6 months later my best friend of 28 yrs died in May 2010,the next month-7 months after daddy-my mother died and 11 months later my husband of 33 yrs died.If I did not believe in GOD and knowing that whatever he does is the best for them he loves,I would have died soon after. I pray each night for GOD to give me strength to go on. I go on for HIM and for my children.(I have orders that I must live to see my grandchildren graduate from high school-they are 12,12,and 8.)I try to remember that I was blessed with 33 yrs with my love.There is a beautiful song I heard called 'BLESSINGS' that everyone who has lost a loved one should hear.It's on U-Tube.GOD bless you and give you strength.

Oct 17, 2012
KEEPING THE FAITH
by:

Thank you for your words of comfort. We are ONE.

Oct 16, 2012
When Faith is All That Exists
by: Doreen U.K.

I have been FAITHFULL all my life and had a strong FAITH in God. I suddenly feel LET DOWN. We had Prayer requests all over the world and throughout America for Steve's Healing. Steve had an incurable, inoperable aggressive cancer. I watched the God Channel. Miracles everywhere. God showed me case after case of the worst cancer's HEALED. Every book I read was of people Healed of Cancer on their deathbed. My sister got me a book from Amazon. The story of Anita Murjani healed totally from the same experience that Steve had. Even when the Macmillan nurse said that she thought Steve was dying. I didn't want to hear it. I BELIEVED STEVE WOULD BE HEALED. I sat by his bedside and waited for this MIRACLE that did not happen. Steve drew his last breath at 9.54p.m. Saturday 5th May 2012. I am DEVASTATED. There is only one prayer I wanted answered. STEVE TO LIVE. Perhaps my FAITH died with Steve? I just feel numb, unhappy, angry with God still. Too much AMBIVALENCE around for me at the moment. I told God. Steve is suffering if you can't HEAL HIM then take him? I can't bear to see him suffer this painfull cancer. Steve died. Was this my lack of Faith? or GOD'S WILL. If I had a choice. Steve to live longer. or Steve to have eternal Life When Jesus comes back to earth for us. I would choose for him to HAVE ETERNAL LIFE. God took Steve. Did I tempt fate? All I feel now is. I cannot bring myself to ask God for another miracle if I ever need one. I AM HURT BY MY LOSS. GREATLY HURT.

Oct 15, 2012
Me, too.
by: Anonymous

I believe that God is teaching me that same lesson. I have always believed in God, so I say. But, now, I really understand what it means to surrender to His will. I lean closer and closer to Him everyday because He is the one who holds "my love" in Heaven.

Oct 15, 2012
Yes, the sun will shine again...
by: Mark Haynes

Your world is forever changed. But the sun will shine again. It will shine on a different you, and it will take a while before you feel its warmth. But your faith will see you through. I suggest you look up GriefShare. It is faith-based grief support.

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