When will I stop missing my husband

by belinda
(australia)

My husband and I met when I was 17 he was 18 we married 8mths later. We have 3 beautiful adult kids whom we were both so proud of and proud of ourselves for bringing up such great kids. I wont lie we had our ups and downs but we always managed to come back together and make the changes needed to keep growing and loving each other. I can honestly say I loved my husband from the moment I saw him I felt so at ease something Id never had in my life. He treated me like a queen spoilt me with breakfast in bed, bubblebaths after work etc, then one day just before our 29th wedding anniversary he told me he was leaving! after many questions and begging him to tell me who he is seeing he assured me there was no one he just wanted to be by himself and free!
The man I knew and loved had died! he left me penniless, homeless and broken i discovered he was in fact shacked up with a 26 year old! It is now a year later for the first time in my life I am living alone some days im fine others like today im shattered. i get angry for missing him he doesnt deserve my thoughts! ive even gone on a few dates but each time i feel guilty and sad i just want my husband! When will i stop missing him? when will i be able to let it go when will i want to? even after all the horrible things he did i miss him every day i would give anything to feel his arms around me and say its ok sometimes at night i can actually feel him beside me in our bed then i wake up and reality hits! please someone tell me this is normal and i know its not easy to let go of almost 30 years together but i just cant stop this feeling of loss and longing why would he do this to me to us to our family?

Comments for When will I stop missing my husband

Click here to add your own comments

Nov 02, 2014
When will I stop missing my husband
by: Doreen UK

Belinda I address your last statements. "When will I be able to let go?" "When will I start to live again?" "I want him back?" all relevant and normal questions to ask.
You are quite normal in how you feel. Your husband left you penniless! and Homeless! in the latter years of your life when you should be enjoying your life and moving towards the day you retire and sail off into the sunset of your lives. Instead he takes up with another woman perhaps young enough to be his daughter.
It isn't fair! Why would you want him back?
There are trust issues and respect that has been compromised and not so easy to get back.
You ask "Why would he do this to me and to our family?" You are right. He has hurt his children also and not set a very good standard.
He would only do this to you because he is besotted by a younger woman which is what a lot of men do. In reality couples do have ups and downs and often resolve much, but it can leave scars and often hard to move on from.
Your EX's new woman will never have to deal with the challenges you have had to deal with in life and move on from. She gets to have the CREAM in the relationship with none of the bad points. The test will come when their storms come and see if they can weather them and still stay standing, for as long as you have had to, and still stay together.
Family life is hard and difficult to go through at times and tests many a relationship to the core.
You have 3 Adult children to be proud of. If nothing else you are a winner. Stay strong, and don't put your life on hold for your Ex. He has made his choice. He leaves you no choice but to go on with your life, however you choose to do this. It serves no purpose to carry a torch for a man who has moved on with his life and no intentions returning to you. Grieve your loss and put strategies in place for your new life. Just be careful and don't hang your heart on a man who can't make you happy or commit to you. You don't have to marry anyone.
Friendship/companionship is the best foundation for a relationship that can thrive and be successful, meeting each other's needs.

Nov 02, 2014
When will I stop missing my husband
by: Doreen UK

Belinda what has happened to you is very CRUEL. The man you knew and loved has changed into an INFIDEL, and a quite different man who you married. An affair and new relationship will change a mans' heart and he will give this to another whilst the wife looks for failings in herself. I think it is just the way life is now moving. Many men want the excitement of an affair and a new experience and often to feel young again since your husband has taken up with probably someone young enough to be his daughter.
You will only be able to let go and live your life, when your FOCUS on what he has done. How he has trashed the marriage by his actions. and how he has HURT YOU. How he left you in such a cruel way for someone else whilst denying this. All the trust you built up over 30yrs. just trashed in a short while. There is nothing worse than aching for the man you loved and gave all your early years to. Bringing up 3 children together who will all reflect your personalities and mannerisms. This is going to be hard to recover from but not impossible. It is only TIME that is going to heal you. But you could go and see a grief counselor and learn strategies that will help your recovery and moving forward into a better life and future. It is always painful living in the world where your husband is still alive and enjoying life with someone else. Don't waste time grieving over what you had together and lost. Make your future an adventure. leave some mystery about yourself that another man will find intriguing and go live your life for YOU. YOUR children are all grown. You have your FREEDOM and you can make this work for you and not against you. This is not the life you wanted or chose. But it is the life you have now and you have to make it a happy one. Don't look back with regrets. Get a new hairdo. Buy some fancy clothes and make your husband feel like the loser. If your husband ever comes back to you because his relationship did not work out, don't give him the time of day. Tell him what he did to you was VERY CRUEL and you don't want him back. Make your days valuable and interesting and days that you will enjoy for the rest of your life. You don't have to remarry. You can have a friend for life who respects you and Loves you for who you are. I hope life treats you better.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Relationship.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • XML RSS
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget
->


 POPULAR
  RESOURCES


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the

GRIEF CLUB


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief
Program

Free Griefwork
E-Course

Free Stress
Management
E-Course



SBI Video Tour!