where am I in my grief?

by Wendy Morris
(Scotland)

My mum has been in nursing care for 4 years she was 83 years old but to me age is only a number, she was my mum. Had a bad fall and fractured her pubic bone. She refused to eat or drink and 10 weeks later died quite a painful death...could I have done more?.....could I have pushed her into eating/drinking fluids....did I just stand back and let this happen?. My guilt is all encompassing as I would have died for my mum given the closeness in our relationship. I am lucky that her and I shared some extremely precious moments days before she died and also my sisters and I were with her when she went to sleep on the 6th October 2011....I am in such extreme pain but projecting myself in a way which appears to others to be 'normal'. Am I shutting down from my own emotions in order to protect myself? So many questions but I cant answer them. I am having trouble sleeping as I continue to reflect on the last moments of mums life which were upsetting. I need this to pass in order for me to see glimmers of the sun shining again.

Comments for where am I in my grief?

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Oct 18, 2011
your human
by: marky pars s/ wales

iff you didnt feel like this you wouldnt be human
i lost my dad in july to cancer theres part of me thinking i should have done more when others have told me he said i was number one his rock which
chewed me up inside when they told me.

theres no advice anyone can give you your going to
have to find your own peace in your heart and mind im still looking for mine may take days,months or even years so listen to your self not others your going to think you feel better for a while until someone kills you with kind ness and every thing comes back to remind you

take care
your not alone
all my love
marky pars

Oct 18, 2011
Another day filled with deep sorrow
by: Anonymous

As a child I always feared the time when my beloved mother would leave my side. As I watched her age I put it out of my mind. Even through her illness I tried to focus on doing everything I could to keep her here with me. On Wednesday June 1st at 705 am 2011 she left my side. Each day since then has been a day of sorrow. The pain is severe and unyielding. It's like a thick cloud that hoovers above. So hard to accept this reality of life. A part of me is no more and life can not be the same without her. There are so many reminders of her intergrated in all that I am and all that I do. For now I recall her strengths and the way she herself endured many trials and losses. I see her face and feel our likeness. I know I can get through this but I will never get over loosing my best most trusted friend.

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