Where are you Tata

by Gosia

My dad died in an road accident on 31st may 2012. I always thought that one would deal with the shock and grief better being an adult, how wrong was I.....
I dont have the words to express how i feel...strange, empty, alone.....everyday i wake up i ask....where are you tata? I still call his phone, i dont know what i am expecting. He was driving home from work and was just turning off the main road unto the road that led straight home when he was hit buy a speeding ambulance, the irony is that he was a doctor.
My mother seems to be getting on well, i know my sister is also still hurting and my husband...seems to be indifferent and just irritated by me and the little things i do to help me cope, like putting up a photo of my dad and I with my other photos on the fridge. So i have taken it of.
I was going through a fertility procedure when he died, and i ask God why, they say when God takes one he gives one back, but he has not yet given me one back yet. Is it wrong for me to be angry?
I miss him so so much and i wonder if he can see me, i wish i could hug him or just sit by him. One thing i am thankfull is that after living abroad for almost 20 years i moved back home and four days short of a year of me being back , he died.
I wish, I wish, I wish oh so many things, does it get easier? when?
I miss you so much Tata ... so much.....I wish i had called you that day....i wish i told you i loved you more often..... i wish...

Comments for Where are you Tata

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Jan 07, 2013
Where are you Tata
by: Doreen U.K.

Gosia it is not wrong for you to be ANGRY. It is not wrong for you to express any emotion you feel you need to. Crying is the biggest expression of Grief. None of us know what to expect when we lose a loved one. We feel strange. Some of us are in DENIAL because a great part of our mind is in shock and can't accept what has happened. We can also suffer from frozen grief where we can't cry if we tried. We can feel as if we are searching for our loved one to come back. Get yourself a good grief book and work through this. Personalize it by underlining and highlighting any area so you can go back to it when you need to. Write out your feelings in a journal. Write letters to your dad in your journal. This is very therapeutic. Go and see a grief counsellor who is trained to help people work through grief. A counsellor can hold the pain till you can work through your sorrow. It makes grief more bearable. Healing takes time. Don't worry too much about your husband being insensitive to your needs. He doesn't understand how to help you. Often they are doing their best to help but this can be misunderstood in the midst of grief. A lot of people react differently. Some walk away. Many tell you to get over it. In fact if you hear anything like this IGNORE IT. Many people feel very uncomfortable when someone is grieving and don't know how to behave around a person in grief and can often say the wrong thing. This was such a tragic accident which caused a sudden death. You had no way to prepare for this loss. This will affect your grief and may prolong this. If your mom or your sister is coping they may be at a different stage and may grieve later. No two griefs are the same in time or duration. I wish you comfort in your sorrow and grief.
Your father will be at Peace. WE who are left have to find a level of PEACE that we can survive.

Jan 06, 2013
RE:Where are you Tata
by: Novi

I'm sorry for the sudden loss of your dad. I lost mine suddenly when I was 17 years old. I needed him then and I still need him now. Being an adult doesn't soften the blow one bit, you'll always be his child. I'm 32 now and recently lost my mother to cancer. It was just as hard losing her then dad, maybe worse. I hate to say this, but it doesn't get easier... it just becomes tolerable and you learn to accept and cope with the absence of your loved one. Allowing yourself to grieve is the first step to accepting your loss and permitting yourself to move on... I personally think that you should put his photograph back on your fridge. If your husband is family then your father was his family too. He needs to understand and support your needs. Anger is normal, it is part of the natural grief stages. Please take care of yourself and find the strength and support you will need for this new journey you are forced to travel.

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