Where do we even begin to deal with all the pain! will we ever heal from so much devistation.

by Kelli Proctor
(Lehi, Utah)

Hi my name is Kelli

I am 45 years old and the baby of the family. through out my life we as a family have never been close or really knew one another. my brother moved away when I was very young and though out my life to the present maybe seen him 30 times all these years. My sister and I were never close she always really mean and distant and never came around growing up. So that just left mom and I. through out my life my dad had nothing to do with me either even though trough out my life I made several attempts to have a relationship with him but never succeeded. Why? I was zeroed in and was picked out from the other too has and always will be a mystery. My mom couldn't even answer. In 2005 my dad passed away and on his death bed he told my son to tell me he didn't want me at his funeral. Yes I was crushed because all my life I never understood why? Was I that horrible of a child or I guess nothing but a brat that I wasn't good enough to be loved or even punished by him. I just assumed by the time I came along he didn't have the time or patients to want to be bothered. SO I was tossed aside to do with what ever happened. I become my mothers problem. So I figured if that is the only request my dad asked of me I will grant his request and not go to his funeral. My brother was executor over my dads Will and to my surprise He did include my in that which my sister tried to get me cut out of? Anyway my dads Will was pretty simple. It simply stated that everything of my dads was to be split in thirds and each of us his heir was to get an equal share. Like I stated I really never knew my dad or even knew all that my dad had other than the cabin he built many year ago. So After my dad had died a few months later I got a call from his lawyer to come pick up a check for 40 grand that was my share from the sale of his house, so I did and went on with my life not hearing or knowing another thing about anything! The summer 2012 My brother and I started to get close . he gave me the opportunity to remodel my dads cabin. and I loved my brother and put him on a pedestal so high he could reach heaven. well in November of that year I got a phone call from his wife informing us my brother had cancer and had 3 months to live. My brother died 2 days before Christmas which devastated us all especially my mom. MY mom has had M.S. for thirty years and had a stroke eleven years ago. She got so bad she needed 24 hr care. So in 2009 I quit my job to stay home and take care of her because I refused to put her in a home. On August 28th 2013 She lost the battle and lost her life. Which in turn completely devastated me and I became so lost! My mom and I were best friends and my whole life revolved around her. Now at the same time My aunt , My mom baby sister had been on dialysis for three years waiting for a new kidney and the day after my mom passed she got that phone call and got her new kidney. It was a happy yet sad moment. But during all of this mess my brothers estate ends up in probate and soon after so does my dads estate. why? I didn't even know at the time because I was left in the dark. It ends up there because my brother failed to execute my dads will as my dad wished and took it upon himself to do as my brother wished and my sister knew it and I had no clue. So as were trying to get back what my sister and I were entitled to begin with. were finding out my brother totally screwed us and he stole everything! things we didn't even know my dad had. like life insurance ect... and we are finding out this way! complete devastation because we all trusted him! and now his kids are involved and are angry at us because we want what belongs to us to begin with. and they don't want to accept the truth about their dad! do they think we like it! No! were all in a complete state of shock and I myself has left no rock unturned trying to find some logical reason why? instead of what has been presented in front of us on paper from all the deceit that he has done. God! what a complete mess he has left us in and the person everyone thought he was is a complete lie. nobody really knew who he was! So still dealing with all of that to this present day! and losing my brother. then losing my mom 4 months ago! and now My aunt my moms baby sister that received that new kidney just passed away 5 days ago unexpectedly. she was doing great! all of this all at once! where oh where do we begin to start to grief and deal with all the pain and loss that has come our way! just to much for one family to take and all at once! please! some kind of advice would be appreciated! so much pain and suffering at the worse time of year. Christmas will never be the same! Sincerely, forever changed!

Click here to post comments

Return to Multiple Losses.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!