Where has Time Gone ??? Yesterday and then Tomorrow
(Las Vegas, NV)
I sit here thinking where my life began and where it ended. Memories echoes against the walls of my heart and life of then and now.
3 years, 3 months… I see back to the beginning of time. The tears and sorrow that surrounded my life that day in time, my world stopped. It looks like a movie each frame continually showing and the will to stop it unable. How many times I see in my memories, see his face that morning after I kissed him quickly good-bye running out the door to work, his smile the last thing I saw….
How have I survived I don’t know or if I have. If I could have stopped that moment in time, to just look and hold so I could have been with you forever. But time doesn't stop and we can never know what the greater plan can be.
I watch the days and now the years have gone, the edge of pain doesn't cut as deep but is still a knife in my hear, it will forever be scared with the pain of losing you, you were my love, my life, you who believed in me and always saw the better….
Where do I go now…?
I live each day with the day to day things that need to be done, but the hole in my heart burns with the pain and desire to be with you. I understand that it’s not my time. Do I pray to God for me to be with you, yes I do. Time is a story in which we all play a role… only God knows how it ends and we hope for the future with those we have lost. It’s a long journey and sometime I’m so tired and wish I could lay my head down, close my eyes once more to wake with Billy at my side. But I do wake and I see these blank walls, me alone once more and must believe I’m here still for a reason. One I may understand but for now, I must continue to follow this road of uncertainty.
When I left Arkansas 4 months after I laid my Billy to rest I wrote:
As I walk down the hall ~
Footsteps echo my good-bye
Each door closes with tenderness of love’s sorrow gone ~
It’s time to step from the past, the darkness of uncertainly
Into the future, the light of a new dawning day
I leave my heart, my soul and the very fiber of my life
Until I return one day to rest with my love, no more tears of despair to fall
1 step, 1 breath at a time
I still live my days and will continue ~
1 Step, 1 breath at a time