Where have you gone?
In August my dad passed away. He ws 81. You may say that he lived a good life, but in actuality he suffered the effects of a dabilitating stroke about 6 years ago. This summer out of the blue he stopped eating. He eventually went into the hospital and passed away there. After, they said he was having a lot of little strokes that were taking away his abilities to eat, move, and remember.
I say it happened suddenly, but I think I had been trying to prepare myself. I found out that you can't. I have been sad, angry, and mad. I am an only child and my dad was everything. I was his little girl. I am angry because I live 500 miles away. I was there right up until two days before he died but I missed being there right at the end. He died after being revived 4 times over the course of 2 weeks. Even though the nurses were there, giving him comfort, I wasn't.
I also have this guilt that my mom is now living by herself and I should be able to help her more. I don't have the right to ask her to move 500 miles away from all that she knows and my dad's gravesite. So I continue to feel guilty about this too. I feel I have to be strong for her, so I keep my grief away from her.
I don't know how to put this all in perspective. I want to hug him one last time.