Where is everyone

My mother was a selfish woman who did not possess a good heart. She starved herself to death in front of my father and finally he had a heart attack from daily looking after her and begging her to eat.
I wanted to help him but she wouldn't let me come. She hated me and I never gave her a reason to hate me. She had some sort of mental disorder.
Finally she died and I did not care one bit because she was always hateful towards me but it concerned me about my Dad. I was suppose to go visit him again 7 days after his death - so it turned out. I had booked a flight one week too late. I wanted to live with him and take care of him: she did a job on him: he was in chronic heart failure.
He died July 20 2012 and it is
September 22 and I am getting worse not better.
Everyone bailed on me. None of my friends came to the funeral or anything. Everyone always only cares about my daughter, It's like I am a nonperson. No one respects me, no one loves me.
I can't even move. I sit in my apartment and the total lack of love has me shocked and immobilized.
Everything went to pieces when my Dad died. I don't know if I will get through this one.
I loved my dad so much. My mother spent my life trying to destroy my relationship with my dad and even had to take him with her by killing him.
Don't tell me to go to counseling. I have no money and its past that.

Comments for Where is everyone

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Sep 23, 2012
thank you anonymous
by: Anonymous

Thank you for your kind words. I feel no trace of my Dad the past 2 weeks and also like my prayers fall on deaf ears.
Thank you so much for your kind words.

Sep 23, 2012
Where is everyone
by: Doreen U.K.

There is a verse in the Bible (Psalms) I think. It says "When father and mother forsake me then God will take me up." My father had an abusive upbringing, and he was hard on us 5 girls and one boy. A victim of his past. He only passed on what he knew. Beating us was his way of discipline. But we also had a religious upbringing that caused us confusion. Dad loved us. He cared so much in all that he did for us. He grew up in poverty. We grew up in poverty. Dad toiled long and hard to love us the only way he knew how. Physically, but not emotionally. He didn't have it in him. Our mother was our strength but she was also cruel at times. that is all she knew to pass on of her own upbringing and tragedies in her own life. But we knew we were loved in our physical care. I was my mother's favourite daughter. My younger sister was my dad's favourite daughter. But my father at times showed he hated me. My mother showed she hated my younger sister. Thus we grew up with mixed feelings of AMBIVALENCE. (Love and hate). We had no CHOICE but to go into counselling. We got our lives back but we still have some scars. WE never did ever hate our parents back. they put too much of God in us and a lot of physical caring. We understood the selfishness that we all have to fight to overcome in life. The Love in me Flows from God to others. I don't feel deprived but sad for my parents unhapiness. I was able to resolve my conflicts in counselling. I am able to move forward and bear no malice against my parents. I then went on to get married which lasted 44yrs. and I loved my husband utterly till his death from cancer almost 5 months ago. I am sad but content with even my REGRETS. We all have them but I am beginning to master mine without GUILT. I repent of all my wrongs and I receive the FORGIVENESS of God and I have struggled with FORGIVENESS for over 40yrs. but I am growing here also. When I die I will know I did my best. I have made many mistakes as my parents have done. But try to write the regrets in sand, and our successes in concrete. Lost and UNLOVED. You can go on in life to build yourself up. Believe in yourself. Encourage yourself and build up your self esteem by developing this. giving yourself to a worthy cause helps. Seeking God who is Love and our Source. You will then draw people to you and your life will change for the better.

Sep 23, 2012
God loves you. I promise.
by: Anonymous

Dear, i understand that you loved your Dad very much. And I am sure your Dad loved you a lot too. But don't feel unloved now. He is sending you love from Heaven where he is not suffering any more. God knows all about you..all your struggles and heartaches. He is very understanding and kind. He actually loves you. Come out of your apartment, call up your daughter, call up your friends. Go out and eat somewhere good. And pray..pray that your Dad be very happy and relieved now. Pray for yourself. God loves you. please don't feel that you are unwanted. God knows better about you and has sent you to this world for some purpose.

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