where/how do you start?

by Donna

It was around 9am, July 23rd when my love collapsed in my arms. I now just wander around aimlessly most of the time. I talk to Bryan's star every night before I go in and try to go to sleep. I beg him to please help me do the things that I know need to be done. Every day I think of a dozen or so things that need to be done. I know what to do and how to do them most of the time. I just can't seem to do them.

Our trucks are in desperate need of washing, my house needs to be cleaned thoroughly, I have a jungle that needs to be mowed, front and back, the list just goes on. Not to mention needing to go through his things, oh god please help me. I don't know where or how to start.

I am doing good to be able to wake up in the mornings and try to muddle through the day. I keep reminding myself one day at a time, one minute, oh hell one second at a time. Can someone please tell me how i am supposed to go on with life and do even the simplest of things? Where or how do I start?

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Oct 26, 2010
Keep on keeping on

Oh do I know that feeling, I still have it heading towards month 11. Wow I made it this far, I should be proud that I have survived an entire year without the one person that made me whole. I will not tell you that it is easy. Just that what you feel and experience is painful, exasperating but part of the long road of grief.

We always had a major Summer Project. This last Summer I just could not motivate myself to do it. I spent the 3 months off starting projects and never completing them. Chasing my own tail trying to do "something" and accomplishing nothing but the bare essentials. Go easy on yourself, Brain Farts are quite common and it is so hard to concentrate to do anything. As if we are consumed and unable to function, It will get better I promise...

Oct 25, 2010
by: Anonymous

What you are going through is hell - pure and simple. I know - I'm going through it myself. I heard a phrase recently that helped a little - just to keep going and its "the only way to get through hell is to keep walking"

Oct 21, 2010
You can do it and it will get better
by: Judy


Each of us knows the confusion, fear and pain you are currently experiencing. The first months are the worst-it's like being in a free fall with no parachute to stop or even slow down your fall of emotions.

Don't let yourself worry about the house, yard or trucks. You need to let yourself heal from this awful wound.

If the house is bothering you ask someone to help-most people want to do something they just don't know what to do and this would give them an outlet. This will smooth out eventually, trust us. I still have Barry's clothes almost a year later. I shut the closet and just don't look in there. When it feels ok I will dispose of them. There's no time limit except what feels good to you.

Hang in there and remember we are always here.


Oct 21, 2010
For Donna. Yes you can.
by: Mari

I am very sorry for your loss, Donna. I know your heart aches and that is natural. I know too it is very difficult at this time to get motivated. I have been through that. I can tell you how I did it. I won't say it was easy but these kinds of things never are. I miss my husband very much.

Read Philippians 4:13 which says,''I can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me.'' Tell yourself you may as well get busy and repeat this scripture as you work. After all, your strength comes from God and this is a time to really focus on God's love for you.

It was painful for me to go through my husbands clothes but I just made myself do it. It made me feel better to give the sons and son-in-laws something they would treasure and remember him by. Then I took over the complex here as assistant manager. That had been my husband's job. So I do it with the same kindness and caring he did and I remember well how nice he was to everyone.

So Donna, when you do that grass just imagine what your husband's reaction would be. He would really appreciate it. You will feel better once you get started. Getting started is the hard part but I have a feeling you will do fine.

Sometimes I just say,''Well Jesus. It is you and I. I cannot do it alone.'' There are a lot of nice people on this board and feel free to post whatever is on your mind and heart. Now get to work. You are loved. Keep us posted.

Oct 21, 2010
where do I start
by: Jules

Donna - I know the feeling - but baby steps are my answer to your question - even the smallest thing that you do is a step in the right direction - just think - he would never have left you if he didn't think you could handle what needed to be done - don't be afraid to ask for help - from friends, family even your doctor - there is no shame in seeking and taking help - I went on a short course of anti-depressants a while back, because I was feeling just like you - unable to cope.

Write here anytime - there is always someone willing to help.

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