Who do I call now?

by Mary
(United States)

I was my mothers primary caregiver for a couple of years. One day, while I was at work, she fell and hit her head. That was in January 2012 and nothing was ever the same. She was diagnosed with dementia and could no longer be left alone during the day. I am a single mom that works two jobs, all I could think was "what am I going to do?" Although I have 3 siblings, they thought it was my job because I had been living with her and caring for her, so I needed to find a solution. My nephew stepped up and took care of his Grandma for a few months during the day. My daughter then quit her job and stayed with her Grandma until she passed away December 17, 2012.
I was holding her hand when she died and had been staying home with her the last few days of her life. My mom was my best friend and the void that has been left is unbearable. My heart is broken. I thought that I would be "over" it by now (it has been over 9 months) but some days I just don't know how I am going to make it. I have not dealt with my grief but have become a workaholic instead. My dad passed away 6 years ago and I, along with my mom, had been taking care of him as well. The difference is that then I had my mom to lean on and cry with and talk to, now I feel so alone. Financially things are horrible, my relationship with my oldest daughter has suffered, and I just feel lost, with no direction. I often go to the cemetery and ask her "Who do I call now, Mom?"

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Oct 16, 2013
Missing Mom
by: Nancy

Mary,
I am so very sorry for your loss and I understand your pain. I lost my mom on 9/27/2013. She was the one who fixed everything for me. Even if there was nothing she could do, she just seemed to make the hurt less painful. I am an only daughter & have 5 brothers. Her loss has left me empty & feeling like I have no one I can count on or anyone who loves me. Friends try to be supportive & I am grateful they lend me their ear. Since my moms death I have called a friend each & every day crying while they listen. Right now I feel broken beyond repair and feel like part of my heart is gone. Ther is a void in my life that can not be filled. I hope you find peace in the times to come.

Oct 02, 2013
Who do I call now?
by: Doreen UK

Mary I am so sorry for your loss of your Mom. That is the hard part of losing a loved one. You can no longer have that support. My daughter is 33hyrs. and still phones me up to ask my opinion or "What should I do Mom?" She asks me so many questions thinking I will always have the answer. But I don't. But this is how families operate. We come to depend on one another and it hurts when they are gone and we need them. We all have needs so this is not a bad thing. We each help one another.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. to cancer 17 months ago and I still miss his input and his support. I ran the home and all the bills and jobs around the home. I trained myself up when a teenager and the rest I observed. I was therefore able to cope with everything when my husband died. He depended more on me. If I had died first he would not be able to cope with the running of the home and everything I did. So I am thankful I knew what to do. But there are times when I do need his support. Jobs around the house I now have to pay for. It will take some time but we do find a way to cope. It will take a long time to heal from your loss. Take one day at a time even though it has been 9 months it is still far too early to heal from your loss. Your 3 siblings could have supported you with your mom. But I guess they have busy lives. Don't be too busy to grieve. When you postpone grief it becomes harder and more painful. Don't stop the tears from coming. Each time you cry you will be healing. If you struggle then go and see a grief counsellor for a few sessions. It will make a difference. I hope your siblings will become closer to you now and you can all support each other well. I have 5 siblings. I like being part of a large family. I wish you well in the days ahead.

Oct 02, 2013
Sorry
by: Anonymous

Dear Mary,

I am so sorry about the loss of your mother. I lost my father suddenly in January, and I honestly don't know how I have made it all the way to October. These past nine months have been a blur....my father was the one I called about everything...we spoke every day and saw each other often. I am so worried abut my mother now....she is not doing well emotionally. I am an only child, so I feel like I have nowhere to turn, and nobody to talk with. My children are still young, so I have to pull it together for them, but there are some days I don't even want to get out of bed. I hope you come to this website often....it has been a lifesaver for me. We all understand your pain, and your grief. Take it one day at a time, and get through things at your own pace. Everything seems so overwhelming. I hope you find comfort here. Peace-Barb

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