Who will I be when I come out the other side ?
I'm 48 years old and got married the first time ever five years ago with my dad and best friend as my best man. We got a dog, built a new home and started trying to have a child. Never been so happy.
Three years ago my 11 month older brother died of a drug overdose leaving behind a wife and 5 year old boy. We all thought his drug problem was way behind him. 30 days after he passed, when the report came back as drug overdose, my sister in law sent me a text asking I make no efforts to contact her or my nephew Sawn until she was ready. 3 years later she never has become so,I lost her and my nephew as well. I feel like I have let Patrick down by not being an uncle.
We where in the early stages of a Russian adoption when we lost Patrick so he never got to meet my son Hunter. Patrick died in February and we brought Hunter home in April.
One year after Patrick passed my father suffered his first heart attack. While recuperating, my older bothers wife Maureen died of a drug overdose. My father was to weak to attend the funeral.
Three months after Maureen passed away my oldest brother Christoper died of a drug overdose. Being the youngest of four, this left me with only my older sister Donna Jean.
At the very beginning of all this, my business started failing and with my new family responsibilities, I was forced to start working for a new company after 16 years of self employment. I really feel the distraction was a god send and am grateful.
Trying to learn a new skill and being the best husband and father I could, I simply have a hard time knowing who I am. Certainly not the light hearted, happy go lucky guy I was when it started.
I guess time will tell who the new me will be, and I can't wait to meet him. Hope my son likes him !
Can not for the life of me understand the decisions my two brothers and sister in law made right before they passed. I hoped they knew we all loved them.
PS this just spilled out so who ever reads this thanks for listening. It felt good just to type it. Tim