Why am I still struggling after a year?

You would think by now, I would be back into my normal routine. I thought I was getting past this and moving on with my life, but this weekend I suffered a setback. I got frustrated about something, needed my mom and BOOM! The tears started to flow. My mother has been gone since May 2, 2010 and I still can't get past her death. I feel like everyone in my family; my Dad and brother have moved on and I am the only one suffering. I'm 41 years old and I am crying like a baby!

I have no one to talk to about this other than my grief counselor who I don't see until two weeks. I feel so alone and I don't know what to do!

Comments for Why am I still struggling after a year?

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Oct 30, 2014
lost my mum top this year
by: Jacqueline

I am sitting in my car in some random car park at lunch sobbing my heart out. My mum died suddenly in march and I still feel so lost without her. I too feel that everyone has moved on and I am still stuck here so lost and helpless without her. At 50 it seems so sad.

Jul 26, 2014
Glad I'm not alone
by: Katrina

After reading all these comments im glad that I am not alone . Four years come September I lost my mum my best friend my world. I try get on with things everyday liked millions of people. I lost my dad the year . I don't talk about my feelings now because I think people think I should be better now . My whole life had changed I'm missing the two people that were my life and my wee family theirs .. I miss them so much it aches in my heart. I wake up and feel it's been a dream and I will see them today .. And it start all over again .i see myself getting like my mum and I love it .. I feel like an orphan too and I feel bad about that .

May 01, 2014
9 months and I got hit again with grief
by: Sandi

I am feeling for everyone on here who are struggling after even several years of their mother passing. I was going about my life and keeping it together to some degree, and bam! here is comes again. Always at times when I always had mom to lean on when things got rough and when she is not here I feel like no one is really on my side, no one will really stick with me, and no one will ever love me the way she did, or my father who also passed. At times I feel like an orphan in a cruel and unpredictable world. Sorry it sounds so depressing. Many people do not realize how earth shattering losing your mother is no matter how old you are. It is a loss that will never completely heal. I am convinced of that at this point. Hope, Faith, and belief that you will reach a better place one day where you will experience their love again is the only thing that has gotten me through this at this point. If grief groups and sharing with others who have lost were not around you would be babbling to an un hearing audience because no one likes to hear about or talk about death It's like it does not exist. People in countries where death is honored and out of the closet, with care of the bereaved as way of life and who have continued rituals probably fare much better than in our society. Oh and the famous. "get on with your life" Yeah, EASIER SAID THAN DONE. I extend my heartfelt love to all on here who love so strongly, that loosing your loved one is equally as full of the loss of that loved one. Try to spread some of that love to others as a way to cope. It will come back to you.

Feb 13, 2012
My heart continues to be broken
by: Janet

I lost my mom Jan 8 2011. My heart continues to feel broken. I have tried to do anything to get my life back and I have not been successful. I take one step forward then 3 steps back and the pain continues. I have my father who is alone but spend a lot of time with me and my family. I worry about him too. At times I can hardly cope with my own life. So, I pray and it does help. One thing is I have lots of friend who love my dearly and 3 awesome sister-in-laws who are close to me. And yet my heart is still hurting broken. I have developed a heart condition and have a monitor all the time. The Doctors cant figure out whats wrong yet. Today I wish I could be with my mom. I guess just keep the faith while I am alive. SHE WAS MY WORLD AND I AM HERS.

Jun 21, 2011
still healing
by: Deb

My heart still cries out for my mom after almost four years. Depending on your relationship with your mom, grief is different for each person as I'm sure you've heard in counseling.
My life has never been the same since my mom & best friend died of cancer. I have learned through much counseling that it's not ever going to be the same but we have to find a way to move on in our lives yet still find a way to be connected and still honor our mom.

I find that following traditions that she enjoyed helps me. I also write poems about her on special occasions.

I want to find joy again in this world, but really haven't. I know my mom would want be to dig deep in my soul and realize that she is okay now and I will be okay too, being left behind without her. I am trying my best. That's all we can do.
I will say prayers for you and hope life will someday make sense again.

Jun 07, 2011
Grief Share Support Group
by: Dakota Blues

I wouldn't say Grief Share support group is non-secular. I've only been to one meeting and I feel it is Christian based.

However, the founders of the program definitely know about grief!! I feel as though I was personally interviewed for the material. If possible, I would still encourage anyone to participate.- "Take what you want and leave the rest" mentality. Groups allow us to connect with others. We realize we are not alone. We so live in a hurting world.

We all have to be extra gentle with ourselves and I think do whatever we feel will bring us peace or hope - that we will see the goodness in the land of the living. That may or may not include Grief Share, this website, reading or whatever means are available to heal.

Big Hugs!!

Jun 07, 2011
Another thing I keep doing is...
by: Ilana

I can't stop talking about my mother! I'll be with a friend or a family member and they'll ask me how I'm doing and I'll go into how my Dad is dating and how much I still miss my mom.


From everything I read, this apparently is normal but it doesn't feel normal. I wish my life would resume and things would go back to how it was before mom died, but this life I lead now is so different. I now do alot of things on my own. My friends have essentially written me off.

I feel like when mom died, a part of me died with her and I hate feeling this way!

Jun 02, 2011
I did go to Grief Share but...
by: Ilana

I found their meeting to be too religious for me. I am Jewish and was told that their meetings were non-secular but it wasn't. I have their workbook and I am trying to work through it, but it is hard when every page is overly religious. I searched online, but there are not many support groups in the area. The only groups they have are for widowers.

Thanks for the recommendation anyway!

May 27, 2011
Oh - How We Love!!
by: Dakota Blues

Love - Your mother was deeply loved and she will be deeply grieved!! We are called to grieve so that we may be comforted. Your continued struggle is a testament of how much you loved your mother. Grieve those tears for her.

I just walked through our 3rd anniversary of my daughters death. I actually felt the 2nd year was more painful than the first as the fog lifted. One year is still really fresh grief. I think you need to be extra gentle with yourself. Give yourself a "big fat pass" that working through your mourning is going to take longer because you loved much.

At some point all who mourn find the strength to live again. Our loved ones live within our broken hearts. That...impossible joy in the land of the living.

2 support groups I recently learned about may be helpful to you? Stephen Ministry and Grief Share. Google both for information and see if they are offered in your area. Both are offered through local churches. You do NOT have to be a member of the church, either. They are offered as a GIFT to their communities. Both have high reviews from care receivers.

Keep posting here. I think...letting our words hit the air - helps!!

Big Hugs!!!

May 25, 2011
Welcome to the 2nd year Adjustment
by: Anonymous

Looking for a normal when there is none. We need to build a new life and look within ourselves to grow stronger. We can take some of the best of our love ones and try to incorporate that in to our very personalities. All the lessons taught, all the things that we admired we can use them to make a better life for ourselves.

The year mark does not magically heal us. We tend to think that if we just get through a year of firsts that we will be o.k...

The 2nd year is when it still hurts but we try to figure out how to adjust without them. Did she plant roses did she make a particular dish that you loved? Carry on the tradition of love and good that she had.

I am 50 and into my 2nd year of grief. One and half years the 6th of June. There are days I still get so frustrated. All the tiles that I put on the wall last night have been falling one by one. Is it his fault? No but we together would have found a solution. And I will...Keep trying and allow the tears, It is tears of frustration and loneliness and quite acceptable I assure you.

May 24, 2011
I struggle too.
by: Tony

I still struggle, my mom died this February and still are feeling bad some, she was in my life all my life til now, you are not alone in grief, she lives in you and always will, take care of yourself and take each day and hour at your own pace. hugs!!

May 24, 2011
Grief Hangs On
by: Anonymous

Everyone grieves in a different manner. You say your other family members have moved on. Maybe they have.....or maybe they just don't show their grief. I hope nobody in your life is pressuring you to "let it go and move on."
Everyone goes at their own pace. Your mother's death left a huge void in your life. We never really get over the loss of a loved one. We yearn to see them just one more time. Time does NOT heal all wounds. Time makes it easier for us to remember the happy times. Time does ease that initial numbing and stabbing pain. Time does not make us forget our loved one.
We will forever be scarred. Just like a flesh wound, the wound closes up but there is a scar there. We can live with it....but the scar is always there.
Give yourself a break. Your mother is gone. You miss her in your every day life. Make your mother proud. She would want you to be strong and go on with her life. She would also want you to miss her but not to the point that it cripples you. Gather strength from her love. She is still with you in spirit and always will be.
God bless. Try to find a little good in each day and move at your own will.

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