Why Can't My Life Be Normal Again?

I was in 6th grade and suddenly got called out of class to leave, and I had no idea why. My little sister and I were driven by my friend's mom to a hospital, where I saw all of my family standing and crying. I started to cry because of this, though I didn't know what was going on still. I was taken to a room, with my mom and dad crying so much, but the one person not there was my older sister. It hit me. She had been hurting in her hip the last couple days very badly, but doctors told her she had only pulled a muscle.. they were wrong. She had an infection that spread from her hip to her heart, and it was too late to help. I felt like this was a dream, it couldn't really be happening.. not to me. But that was 4 years ago, and I haven't gotten to joke or laugh with her like I used to since then. I always cry and cry thinking "My life was close to perfect before this happened and I want it back. I want her back." She would do my hair and pick out my clothes and always play with me; she was the ideal big sister. It's horrible to go from having someone to not having them anymore, and not being able to do a single thing to get them back. I wasn't expecting to lose her, no one was. My life has fallen apart piece by piece since that day. My parents are now divorced, and my dad has a new family. It's like he didn't want us anymore, because he didn't want the life we were about to face. I feel so alone sometimes, and it's really hard for me because those are the times when I'd sleep in my big sisters bed because she'd invite me in. Now my little sister and I are distant. We both love each other, but we both lost a sister, and it's changed everything about us and our lives. I feel like I have so many things to be mad at, because so much has gone wrong. I still go back to that day and wish that when I thought it was a dream.. it really was.

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Dec 17, 2012
Why Can't My Life Be Normal Again?
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for your loss of your sister. OH! nothing in life hurts more than losing a close member of your family. You are never the same again. The whole structure of your world will have changed, as you say that you and your younger sister are not close. I have 4 sisters and some are closer to each other than others. It is how life is within a family. Some family members will have a stronger bond with the other. But we can all find a common bond in that we are related and we are FAMILY. DEATH causes separation and we each go through our own level of pain and so things change and we are never the same people. Give it time and you will one day be able to build up a closeness with your younger sister. Because you are older you may have to do most of the work in building up some kind of relationship. Your father has moved on. You will know from any interaction whether he still cares for you as his children enough to keep in touch and talk to you with LOVE. It rips your world apart when death strikes. But to have your father change your world also is a heavy burden to cope with. You may be in a good position to see a grief counsellor and talk over your concerns and try and resolve some of the difficulties you have been left with. Everything looks bleak now, but won't stay like this. TIME is what will change life for you. You will one day move forward and life will be good again. You will have healed from the loss of your sister and you will have meaning back in your life. Hold onto this. Life won't be Normal again for any of us who has lost a loved family member. That is our biggest battle. Wanting our old life back as it was. INTACT. with nothing and no one missing.

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