why did my dad decide to leave........


Hi.im 34 yrs old & I lost my dad Feb 15-2012.
He was 54 yrs old & we were very close,or at least I thought we were.if we weren't talking every day,we were texting.we enjoyed the same music, & could talk about anything.he was my father & a friend.
He started drinking heavily & decided on his own,thats enough & put himself in detox.once he got out he was eating healthier,not drinking & doing very well. Its not that I thought he would stop drinking forever,he just needed to tone it down because it was taking over. He then started drinking moderately, then more excessively again.he became short tempered with family & friends which really was not like himself at all.he moved out & would not tell anyone where he was,including me.however he would take my calls.he seemed depressed yet not in an alarming way. I had actually said to him " dad you aren't thinking about doing anything stupid & thats why you aren't talking to anyone but me & not telling anyone where you are,are you?" he replied " no,honey you know me,I wouldn't have the balls to do something like that,im ok.dont worry" a few days later his friend found him at the hotel he was staying & told him,his cousin had a place to stay.my dad went & stayed there until he could get his feet back on the ground. I talked to him about every 3 days as cell reception wasn't that great there.o talked to him last on Feb 9th & he sounded different.he said im good honey,for now anyways. I couldn't reach him after that.& being valentines day without him at least texting me was not like him! The next day I got a call from my aunt.the police found him at the peoples house he had suffocated himself! Where did he get the idea to do that.what was he thinking.why didnt I hear it in his voice when he said im ok for now.i could barely breath when my aunt called & said that.i am to young to have lost my dad.its hard to believe this is even real! Some days I can get by & not think about it.& other days I will just burst into tears & not want to so anything! Is there life after death? Can he see how much pain we are all in because he did this.& am I just selfish because I didnt realize he must have been in alot of pain to have gone through with this?! I think I was a good daughter,bit a good daughter would have been able to stop there dads hurt right! Why didnt I realize he was hurting so much?! Life can be very unfair.i miss my dad so unbelievably much & the funeral home put up a memorial which I have written on.but I think im talking to him & write to him then delete it so if people see it they dont think im going crazy. Im not,I dont think.i.justwant to talk to him again so badly. Why didnt he leave a note & say goodbye & explain why he had to leave us?.

Comments for why did my dad decide to leave........

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Jun 14, 2012
he was not evil.....
by: carina

I have not ever thought for one minute my dad was evil because he drank.i drink myself & so do my friends & friends family, not to excess but we all enjoy a drink.i disagree with your comment & to be completely honest I found it very hurtful.you have your beliefs & thats fine but when im grieving for my depressed father & can't stand the fact that I couldn't prevent this from happening.i dont need some stranger saying he decided to live his life being evil by his choices.he always put everyone first & loved everyone.he would never hurt a sole.your comment was disrespectful, & if you dont have anything nice to say id rather you not post anything on here to me or anyone else that is grieving for the loss of a loved one.

Jun 09, 2012
You are the answer
by: Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
You ask if there is life after death and I want to tell you that I know that there is. We were spiritual children of our Father in Heaven before we came to earth. We come here to get a body and learn obedience and love. When we leave, we go to a spiritual place to finish learning the things we missed on earth. When it's all over for mankind and for all of us, we are all resurrected with our Savior Jesus Christ at which time we are blessed with an eternal life that makes us happy. We are all different and that's why it will be different for each of us. Some people live wonderful lives without a lot of sin. They live their lives caring for their family and give of themselves every minute of every day. Some people live a drugged or alcoholic life which is very self centered existence. And even though they want to participate in life, they gave up their free agency and turned it over to evil. If they don't break this spiral down, they disappoint all who love them. When they die, they have a lot to learn before they can get a reward in heaven. But with God's help, they will be taught. We need to pray for them and try to visualize how great that second chance is for them. Don't let someone else's tragic life take your chance at life away. Try to be that person who can step above the hurt and reach out to your family and help lift them above it. Your spirit and smile will help to change the atmosphere in your home and the lives of those who love you. Good luck and God Bless, I

May 27, 2012
Sorry about your dad
by: Novi

Hello Anonymous,

I'm Novi, and you responded to my blog in early May. You asked me a few questions that I would like to answer, but first I'd like to express my sympathy for your father's death. I know how hard that is. One thing I always like to remind myself is that my father suffered from depression - a disease like any other. He succumbed to it, which means he died by suicide. He never 'committed' any crime.

I'm not angry with him anymore, and I haven't been for many years. I was aware of my father's condition due to prior attempts, but sometimes things are out of your control, no matter how hard you try.

February 15th is a hard day for me too. That's the day my mother would have turned sixty. I know what you mean when you say you and your dad were close. My mom and I were best friends.

Life is very unfair, but never ask why. Just accept the injustice and go on as best you can. Stay strong for those that need you to carry on.

Whatever it is you wrote to your dad was probably not crazy at all. Pain has no definition.

Everyone heals at their own pace.

I still mourn for my father and I know that will never change. The pain is always there, but it does become lighter to carry.

He didn't leave a note either -But that doesn't make a difference anymore. I know he loved me and that he's no longer in pain.

I forgive him.

I don't break down about my dad anymore, but I've recently discovered what is called STUG:(Sudden, Temporary Upsurge of Grief). Movies, songs, pics, even sounds can cause you to feel overwhelmed. It does get easier, especially once you recognize the symptoms.

I hope you find it in you to forgive your dad too. Keep him alive with good memories.

Take care,


May 02, 2012
Dear: Dot
by: Anonymous

Thank you for your reply.i can't imagine how it must feel to have gone through this twice,once with your husband,then again with your son.and to have saved your son 1st, that must be so hard for you. Hopefully your son & his ex did not have children together so you can completely shut her out of your life. obviously she was a contributing factor to his pain & she will only cause unneeded anger for you at a time you have anger,guilt,grief & so many other mixed feelings right now.you dont need someone like that in your life.especially right now.i hope you have other family members or good friends that you can lean on right now.i do.& I know it does help,but doesn't take your pain away.how old was your husband when this happened,& your son? What about you? Please write whenever you feel like you need to talk & if you have any time or information or suggestions on what helps during this horrible time in our lives,please let me know.
Thanks.& again im sorry & I do feel your pain.

May 02, 2012
by: Dot

Hi Iam so sorry for your pain
my son took his own life on sunday i cant believe it has happened, i am going through all the feelings you are evn down to the texting.
i am sure your dad wouldnt want to hurt you as my son didnt want to hurt me, his own father did thid last year and he could see the grief that has caused, but he took everything on his shoulders and cared for his gran on his dads side she was dying of cancer. his partner didnt support him and made life hard for him at the time.he was very low as she finished the relationship after taking all of his money and leaving him in debt, he came to stay with me and started getting himself back on track, was looking really well and had some work lined up.then Saturday he was arguing with his ex and tried to take his life we saved him and got him to hospital, i was with him and he said sorry and i would never lose him he was a good son and i was a good mum we had a strong bond but he signed himself out of hospital and took his life, i know that he wasnt in his right frame of mind i am sure your dad wasnt, i hope you can live your life to the full and make your dad proud i am sure as i am with my lovely son they didnt mean to hurt us.

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