why did my dad decide to leave........
Hi.im 34 yrs old & I lost my dad Feb 15-2012.
He was 54 yrs old & we were very close,or at least I thought we were.if we weren't talking every day,we were texting.we enjoyed the same music, & could talk about anything.he was my father & a friend.
He started drinking heavily & decided on his own,thats enough & put himself in detox.once he got out he was eating healthier,not drinking & doing very well. Its not that I thought he would stop drinking forever,he just needed to tone it down because it was taking over. He then started drinking moderately, then more excessively again.he became short tempered with family & friends which really was not like himself at all.he moved out & would not tell anyone where he was,including me.however he would take my calls.he seemed depressed yet not in an alarming way. I had actually said to him " dad you aren't thinking about doing anything stupid & thats why you aren't talking to anyone but me & not telling anyone where you are,are you?" he replied " no,honey you know me,I wouldn't have the balls to do something like that,im ok.dont worry" a few days later his friend found him at the hotel he was staying & told him,his cousin had a place to stay.my dad went & stayed there until he could get his feet back on the ground. I talked to him about every 3 days as cell reception wasn't that great there.o talked to him last on Feb 9th & he sounded different.he said im good honey,for now anyways. I couldn't reach him after that.& being valentines day without him at least texting me was not like him! The next day I got a call from my aunt.the police found him at the peoples house he had suffocated himself! Where did he get the idea to do that.what was he thinking.why didnt I hear it in his voice when he said im ok for now.i could barely breath when my aunt called & said that.i am to young to have lost my dad.its hard to believe this is even real! Some days I can get by & not think about it.& other days I will just burst into tears & not want to so anything! Is there life after death? Can he see how much pain we are all in because he did this.& am I just selfish because I didnt realize he must have been in alot of pain to have gone through with this?! I think I was a good daughter,bit a good daughter would have been able to stop there dads hurt right! Why didnt I realize he was hurting so much?! Life can be very unfair.i miss my dad so unbelievably much & the funeral home put up a memorial which I have written on.but I think im talking to him & write to him then delete it so if people see it they dont think im going crazy. Im not,I dont think.i.justwant to talk to him again so badly. Why didnt he leave a note & say goodbye & explain why he had to leave us?.