Why did she have to die like that? March 25 1988
Why was there no investigation done when she was found outside in the Arctic of Nunavut? She was found naked and frozen outside at some what 35 degrees celsius, leaving small children whom one of them the youngest son is my fiance'. Wonder how she could have been with me and welcoming her grandchildren? It is sad to see that her grand kids won't know her even my fiancee' doesn't know her and has been searching for her for all those years even she has past on. Filling him with hunger for his mothers love and anger towards who have been suspected, he was only 5 then when she died 21 years past.
Some what he feels to avenge her death but knows he cannot do that. So I pray that he will leave it in Gods hands as I do everyday. After 21 years he has come to realize he can avenge his mothers death and I'm trying not for him to do it. Now that his brother has died of illness it is harder for him to cope with his anger which led to suicidal thoughts and I'm at my ends of hope. I have had 6 children who need me and almost at my ends into depression and being overwhelmed.
He is kind but going through tough times. We have sought professional help but it has been long since any professional has come to our aid yet. It is seem like my fiancee is willing the help but the professionals aren't willing but only precribe anti-depressions instead. But as suggested he is still able to with out the medication. We both hope to avoid, we prefer no medications as much as possible. I feel like I'm working alone besides God helping us. I feel like I give help and never recieve any when I need it it is not available.
Maybe we're suppose to cope with this alone but my head hurts I feel very heavy knowing my fiancee' isn't feeling well about himself. My head hurts because poverty took place in our home. Just like I'm going to have stroke sometimes like something rubber band is going to snap. I scream in a pillow and I cry when I'm so overwhelmed. I feel alone and feel like I have to be the strong one for my fiancee or else he kills himself. To be honest I feel sorry for myself that I have to be dealing with this.
I'm sorry for my children I really would like to be sane for my children but same time I'm so tired, I can't even clean up as much as I use to any more. I feel like I'm stuck with my heart. I just feel like just letting go of my fiancee but I don't have the heart to do so. But my children need me and I need me for me. Even it sounds crazy but I do have a life too. Every day I ask God for help and strength and for his love and guiding light and for his light. I'm tired but I can't ignore what is going on with my family and myself. All I can do now is trust in the Lord and try reach out anywhere who understands and is willing to help me and my fiance.
Hope I'm not the only one, I need a hug and shoulder to cry on. I need a strong person to tell me I'm doing ok and doing alright and someone strong to rely on. I do wish that I can get help with some chores or a breather not having to be with the kids without worrying or regretting that I left them for abit. I fear of dying and committed to not killing myself. I love my children and family most of all I love God so much and thankful that such puny little person such as me that he does care, for that I will do my best to cope with struggles and trials which some are unbearable, but he has let me know he will never leave me nor forsake me. I know he hears me all the time even when I pray in thanks to him that he counts me as important for he has sent his son to die for me, so I may have hope too. Above all I thank him for giving us his son to sacrifice in place for mine. Thank you for reading, God bless you.
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