Why did such a good mum suffer and lose everything ?

by Inconsolable

Lost my mum recently I cared for her, she cared for me through so much. Broken marriage, abusive relationships and phsyical restrictions.

My mum had nothing. She left school early to support her siblings after her mother died. Later in life she lost her 'trophy' the house she had worked for because of an abusive relationship (gambling). Those she turned to for help including her brother she had financed to become a professional man turned away.

When mum lost her home she was too ashamed to tell her friends where she lived - then she became sick and was unable to go out anyway because of the steps leading to the property.

We lived for each other for many years.

I carry around so much grief - about the injustice of this talented woman who when she fell on hardship those she had helped turned away from her.

Grief counselling helps others I know - but at the end of the day I come back to an emptiness without my beautiful, talented mum, who spent the last years of life with nothing only pain. I use to pray I could take all her suffering but it never happened.
Please, if anyone can write to help me come to terms with the injustice of her life I would be so grateful.

Comments for Why did such a good mum suffer and lose everything ?

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May 08, 2013
Why did such a good mum suffer and lose everything?
by: Doreen U.K.

Dear Inconsolable. I feel sad for your loss and I am sorry that you are having such a difficult grief.
I feel sad for my Dad who grew up in an abusive home. He lived a frugal life as a result and his happiness was in his family he reared. 5 girls and one boy. He was our primary carer whilst my mother was the backbone of the family. They worked well together and gave us the best. We were very poor and struggled with this. My mum built a good home together with my dad but she never did get the things she wanted. Dad would go out in the woods and chop logs. come home and dry them in a back to back oven and then go into the cellar and chop this wood so he could build an old fashioned fire to keep us warm.
That man my father is now 91yrs. and slowly dying in a hospital. My Mom died 10yrs. ago of a heart attack and I am only just grieving for her. I lost my husband of 44yrs. 1yr. ago and I am now feeling all grief's together. I know how you feel about your mum and how you carry her sorrow with you as I do for my dad. My nephew was 30yrs. unemployed, no home. Lived in a shed and suffered depression. He asked his mum if he could come home. She said NO. He didn't get on with his stepfather. 6yrs. ago he threw himself in front of an express train. That was the worst grief my sister could go through. She felt she wouldn't recover. But in all these grief's there has been slow recovery. The loss of my husband is different.
You could benefit from a good counsellor who will allow you the space to grieve all your losses which includes grieving the loss of your mother's conditions of living and her loss of her home and what it has done to you now. But even with me growing up in poverty. I don't feel at a disadvantage. I guess your mum would have loved her life to have been better. But somehow I have learned to be CONTENT where I am and this brings me Peace. I am sure your mum would have accepted what she had in life and having children in her life would have made the difference. Children bring such a joy that cancels out our misery. Not all of it. But leaves us with the warmth that only a child could. You seem to have been a loving loyal daughter. This is what made the difference to her. You can't go and change the past. Learn to live with some of the positive things your mom had. YOU!. She is out of suffering now. She is at Peace. It is us who are left have to now struggle to find Peace with it all.

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