Why Did They Have To Go Now???

by Debbie
(Vermilion, Ohio)

Greatest Mom&Dad Ever!!

Greatest Mom&Dad Ever!!

I don't really know where to begin, so I guess I'll try the beginning. My parents both became ill and needed help most of the time so to make a long story short
my husband and I moved them into the other side of our duplex and the landlord let us cut a doorway in our living rooms so we had easy access to them. This happened in
2005. We became very close, I spent most of my time on their side. January 13th 2010 my mom woke me up in the middle of the night, my dad was having severe stomach
pains(which was not unusual. Tonight was different though, he was very upset and in alot of pain, I took him to his room to lay down while I called 911. He sat on bed
and immediately fell back and was out. The 911 operator had me do CPR. I had my mom run to get my husband to help me get dad to the floor. I couldn't wait so I just
pulled as hard as I could and got him to the floor and put his head back and started the mouth to mouth, I know it was too late but I just kept trying. When the ambulance
got there they said they had a pulse. We went to hospital, my mom was hysterical but was so happy he was still alive. At the hospital they put us all in a small private room.
By this time there were several family members there. ER Dr. came in and said my dad had died. My mom lost it, and so did everyone else. I was trying to comfort her and
the Dr. came back in and said wait we have a pulse. He then asked my mom if she wanted to see him and of course she said yes. I went with her. It was awful. He was
Hooked up to everything, nurses and doctors were everywhere running in and out. My mom just kept asking him to wake up. He was on a ventilater.

They moved him to ICU, he was there the rest of the night and morning while they ran all types of tests that meant nothing. My mom had Alzheimers so she didn't
really know what was going on. She kept thinking they were going to save him. Finally his blood pressure started dropping fast and he was gone. They never could give us
a cause of death. His death certificate says unknown natural causes. I've always felt so guilty because he always had those stomach pains, but the doctors told me nothing
was wrong with his stomach so I would tell him he was ok just go lay down. Well something was wrong. Maybe if they would have checked his stomach he would not have
died. If I would have been more persistant with the doctors.

Then after dad died I really had no time to greive, I had to take care of my mom. She needed me really bad for sure now. She could not remember him dying. So
we lived it everyday. I would have to tell her everyday what happened. She asked me everyday where he was, she could not remember he had died or the funeral. It was
so awful for her. She lived in constant pain and heartache. She missed him so much. I watched her go down so fast. I tried so hard to keep her going and keep her healthy
but she just wanted to die and be with dad. My heart ached for her. There was a time I had gotten her eating better and got her out of the house for awhile, but then
she settled back in again.

Her alzheimers got worse, her heart was broken and she would not eat. All she wanted to do was sleep. I could barely get her up to shower. Finally we called in hospice.
They were angels from God. I don't know what I would have done without them. They were so good to my mom. They took such good care of her. She was able to die in peace
in her own room with her family around her and not machines and needles poking her. When she went she looked so peaceful and happy. I will never forget the smile on her
face that night. I know my dad came to get her. I just miss her so much. She was my life. We had become inseperable. She died June 22, 2011. I just can't seem to get
over it all. I want them both back.

I have guilt feelings, I miss them so much, I loved them more than anything. I just really need them. They were my whole life, I don't know what to do now.
I don't know who to talk to, mom was who I told everything too. I could just sit for ever and tell her about my day and she would just listen and laugh. My dad always
talked to me about sports, he loved that I liked sports, he loved watching games with me and I loved it too.

I just feel its not fair, why them, they were Great people!!! I know it was probably their time, and I'm being selfish. I just can't find a way to get over it!!!!

Comments for Why Did They Have To Go Now???

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Nov 21, 2012
feel your pain
by: Sue

My situation is identical to yours, I posted my story here. My parents died 44 days apart and dad kept asking about mom, stating he wanted to go be with her. While I was there with them both every single day and gave up everything in my life, I still feel like I could have done more, I still have so much to say to them even though we had our final talks. My heart aches just to see them if not for just one moment.

Oct 20, 2012
why did they have to go now
by: silver

Dear Debbie,first it's ironic that I have a sister named Debbie(Deborah).Second,my story of my mom and dad is so close to being yours.My father had cancer for 13 yrs.He went into the hospital the last time,his belly so swollen he looked as if he was going to give birth to triplets. He was there 2 weeks. Momma almost never left his side.She stayed at the hospital day and night. One of us in the family usually stayed with them.He started dialysis the day before he died.The second day he died on the way to dialysis.I was at work when they called me.It was hard enough to send him on and momma just gave up.He died Dec.4,2009.Momma also had alzeheimers and just sat in a chair or watched TV.On June 30,2010,seven months later.She died of an embolism to her heart from inactivity.She had gone to the bathroom and just dropped to the floor. My niece,nephew,and my youngest son(at the time he was 29)were at her house. I was on the way to a chemo treatment for my husband and couldn't even go to the hospital right away.She died before I could get there.I miss them both. I pray for all of us who have lost this way.My parents were married 64 yrs when daddy died.They were both in their 80's.GOD bless you and give you strength.

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