Why did you have to die?
by Paul Muth
I am a therapist in Washington DC who came upon this website while searching for a resource to introduce a client to the 7 stages of grief. I decided to tell my story, because the project I had my client do was about writing, and the healing part of that. his wife was recently taken by cancer, and we had just talked around the tree I had planted in honor of her life....we marveled at how the tree, after being told by those who sold it to me would not blossom this first year, was bursting with orange blossoms since she passed away. Miracles occur daily, and I am a standing testament.
I have lived around death since my first breath. My real Mother had leukemia at my birth and lived only until I was 9 months old. I returned the sole survivor of a Black Flagged unit in Vietnam, records burned and lost and unit unknown and undecorated. My dreams of a 13 year old Vietnamese soldier were not verifiable because of the sealing of the records. My wife committed suicide in 2001, my Foster Daughter died in 2000 of a blood clot in the brain. My Father died of massive organ failure due to alcoholism in 2002. My other long term relationships from my youth both committed suicide in 2003. My step mother died in 2009. I am the patriarch of the family after many deaths.
Drug addiction and alcoholism have taken their toll. The recent break up after years between me and who I feel is my soul mate FEELS like death. I am ALIVE, and although I question the why and the how, it is a fact. I need to look at this and understand that I am here for a very specific purpose. Angels DO live among us, and those of us who have fallen ARE given opportunities to earn our wings back. I know it is difficult to believe, but it is much more than just a cute TV story. Help us. let us, finish our jobs. It is a way to give us peace, and it pleases the Big Guy immensely.