Why Did You Leave Me With So Much Hurt?

by Laura
(Sugar Land, TX)

One year ago, you went into the hospital and never came out. You left me, my sweetheart. I am still so hurt by some your actions during the end of your life. I still believed you helped cause your own death by your own horrible actions. You left me to find so many of your secrets, the fact you had sunk so down low and was using crack. How ugly and dark the whole thought is.

You started with the prescription drugs then you when down that path that I did not see, the path I could not ever imagine. I thought we were "better" than that. As I began to grieve the loss of you, my one and only, the ugly truths came to the surface. You left me with your phone full of horrible, questionable text and voice messages from people who did not even truly know you. You used each other for drugs.

You left me with a tollroad bill that showed all night long travel to places that no one should go. You left me with your truck, stripped as you sold all of the parts to buy drugs. You stole and pawned some of my possessions for the same purpose. You left me with a bathroom trash can full of the hideous proof of the crack that violated our home.

The worst thing you stole is the beauty of those memories I should be holding close to my heart. Instead often replaced with the ugliness of what occurred.

I am so alone. So terribly alone. We should be planning our wedding, our future but now I can only visit your grave and cry tears that last forever. My heart broken into so many pieces it will not ever recover. My soul with a hole that will not heal.

Why was our love not enough? We were so happy, talking, laughing, making love. No arguments, nothing bad happened, you just stole into the night of addiction and left me. Mentally you left me before your physical body left me. What were you thinking those last days of your life when you could not talk. Did you ever think about the mess you would leave behind for me?

One day maybe I can remember more of the beautiful and less of the ugly. However I will never get over you leaving me, leaving me all alone in this world. Alone to grieve for what should have been, our happily ever after, our dreams, our love...

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