Why didn't he just wait?

Last winter, my stepson died by a self inflicted gunshot wound. Why? We'll never know. It's one of those times when there is no indication of depression. Good job, good family, a daughter. No warning. Just gone.

These words seem so...ineffectual to describe what has happened in our lives. The sorrow, grief and pain is horrendous, but I don't need to tell you all about that. You already know what it's like to lose a very dear loved one. Awful doesn't even describe it.

This is my first post and my title is "why didn't he just wait?" The next day would have been better. Why didn't he talk with someone, call us? We could have helped whatever was going on. I just know we could have.

Comments for Why didn't he just wait?

Click here to add your own comments

Sep 26, 2011
by: JOY

There is no way you can have answers to the question. Accept what has happened and keep your stepson's memory alive, as best as you can. You must move on with your life with the remaining members of your family. As difficult and challenging as it is, we need to move on after a tragic loss. Life is not static. It is full of challenges. I pray you survive this period of deep sorrow. I feel like you because I am also going through the loss of my son. We are survivors. Take heart and GOD be with you.
My love and hugs

Jul 20, 2011
Another suicide
by: Anonymous

My son too ended his life of horrible pain of body that there was no way of curing. I am in the first stage of this damnable grieving that leaves me begging God for answers. After we all prayed for his healing why was none forthcoming?? Just have to remember God is sovereign and He knows best. Trust Him, my friend and accept the blessings He bestows that we don't even recognize.
May He heal your broken heartedness.

Jul 19, 2011
by: Anonymous

There are many reasons why! The hardest thing for a person who takes their own life is the feeling of loneliness, the feeling that there is no one to turn to.. NO other choice..
Many people say why didnt they just ask for help!
My gosh that is almost as scary as the actual act of taking your own life....
I say this because i have thought of taking my own many times.
The fear is if we actually came to you and said, "I am feeling so depressed so horrible that i just want to end it all," What would really be your reaction!
"your talking crazy"
"Thats the cowards way out"
If the lucky few who actually find the courage to tell someone get that response then it will only double the pain n guilt....
It is not that they dont want to tell you, its just they feel they cant, it is so incredibly scary....

Jul 16, 2011
we will never know
by: Anonymous

It breaks my heart to read your story, I too lost someone to suicide, my husband, it was three years this June, there isn't a day goes by that I do not think about him or wish he was here. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem most times, like your step son he had a great family we had a good relationship, went away every year for our anniversary, that year was our 25th, we have two children both in university at the time, and have since graduated, one of many lifetime events he will miss out on, he was under alot of stress at the time and could not see any way out I guess, the only peace I get is when I think of the description of Heaven, "so peaceful, happy, no worries" how could I wish him back (even though I do) when he is so at peace and happy. I attend a Survivor of suicide group in my community and it is a great help to me, I speak of him often, I made a quilt for both of my children with his clothes and they both cried and loved them very much, and I do not fear of saying the word suicide, as my son describes it " it is like having cancer of the brain" he could not help it and never would have done anything to hurt us, as I am sure is the same as your step son. Take Care you and your family are in my prayers.

grieving wife,

Jul 09, 2011
You'll Never Know
by: TrishJ

Suicide is something that leaves the survivors with a lot of unnecessary guilt. If the person really wants to end their life nothing anybody could've done or said would've stopped it.
Many times a person chooses to end their life and the people around him had no clue that he was even remotely unhappy.
I personally believe that people who commit suicide eventually end up in heaven. God has a plan for everyone's life and when someone falls off the path God allows for that.
Don't beat yourself up and say, "What could we have done? Why didn't we notice something was wrong. If only....what if......I should've. No. There was nothing anyone could do.
Keep your stepson's memory alive. If people choose to make judgments ignore them the best you can. They're not worth having in your life. Your life will never be the same again and he would not want you to grieve for him. He wants you all to be happy.
Blessings to you. God bless your stepson.

Jul 09, 2011
by: Anonymous

The main question here is "why". Probably you've asked yourself over and over. I think those who resort to taking their life, are not thinking clearly. Depression, mental problems, convincing
themselves there is no way out of a situation.
Don't be so hard on yourself. May God strengthen
you and your family and give you the understanding
you need. I'm so sorry for your pain.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Adult Child.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!