Why didn't he love me...

by Adriana
(Hialeah, Fl)

I have been alone for a year now.. I still miss him.. Why is it I can't just get on and forget what we were..?

I broke up with him because I didn't feel he loved me. He did too many things that just said I don't love you.

He lost his job and I took him in. I discovered soon after that, he was posting online ads on dating sites. He spoke to women online all the time.. I even found him naked in bed one day with the webcam on..

He didn't introduce me to his daughter.. I loved him...so much, I gave him as much as I could... I bent myself over backwards for him.. yet he didn't love me. I am going to therapy... I know this is not normal.

I am a professional woman, I own my house.. and yet.. my love life is terrible.. why is that?
All I know is that we all, men and women, want love. why is it so hard? I don't meet many men I am attracted to on a daily basis.. so why did he have to be like that? Why couldn't he love me?

I want to love and be loved.. not to be needed.. I am tired of always being the strong one.. I don't want a man to support me financially. I can do that myself. I just want to be loved and taken care of.. emotionally.

I know I don't need a person to complete me.. I want a complement...

Comments for Why didn't he love me...

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Jul 23, 2014
Selfish
by: Anonymous

Ok.. I have read all of these comments. It seems to me that you only talk about what he did to you. We'll now that's it's over, you should be glad those things are not in your life anymore. You are free to live the life you want. I think a positive attitude and a smile when u wake up will change your day. You live once why spend it worrying about the past and grieving for someone who didn't have your best interest at heart. Best wishes to you all.

Apr 13, 2014
Letting him be and maybe he will miss us
by: Anonymous

I also am going through something similar but we have a baby together. And he also is a chronic relapser. I supported him at his worst loved him more than anyone will ever love him. I would do anything for him. He went away for 4 months an I waited an have been so loyal to him. While he was in rehab he would write me letters let me know everything was going to be alright. But he just recently told me he feels like he is being pressured into the family life and he can't give me the love the way I love him. So I haven't spoken to him in a couple of days. This isn't the first time this has happened , he relapsed when I was preg an when I had our baby. He did say he needs to love himself before he can love anyone. So I'm letting him be

~ devastated & upset

Dec 15, 2012
I dislike the person I've become
by: Anonymous

I'm scared of my love for the father of my kids.,
I've know him since I was 17 and pregnant with my first child who is now 17.
Let me reface the kind of love I have for this man is sickening, I know is wrong, I adore this man. Only God knows all the bs I've put up with to be with this man. I made this man my God and in returned I'm treated like a stupid b.

I feel like and addict trying everyday to break free. I get the opportunity and always end up with him. I have to admit yes, I'm scared of taking on the full responsibility of taking care of the kids. And yes alot of the times of being alone. I dont feel any confidence in myself and I am not a professional or have my on house. But does that mean I deserve less or should be putting up with more.

Where did my life go...I want it back.

Nov 07, 2012
It is not him, it is you
by: Anonymous

Everyone's feelings are unique. So, I will not claim I did fully understand your situation. I only can guess. I think what hurts you most is how much you have given from yourself for a relation you were aware, or must have been aware did not work. You have betrayed yourself. And for a creep, not even someone was slightly worth it. The problem is how can you continue living with yourself now. How can you trust yourself. How can you gain back your self esteem.. Well, you must. Instead of spending the effort in grieving, going over images of another one in your mind, look yourself in the mirror of your soul and start loving yourself. Forgive for the hurt you have caused on yourself. Forgive yourself for the fact that you have chosen someone over your own self. Forgive yourself as you might have forgiven a best friend who betrayed you and now suffers because of it. It is war between you and the rest of the world. Defend yourself rather than looking for pity.

Sep 09, 2012
all the,stories i have,read
by: Anonymous

I ve have, been in, this situation also loving,someone that does't love you back but I'm going to be honest it was,the sex and this man was so attractive it looked like he just never aged and he his looks and sex got better with time but he was a ladys man and did not belong to me or anyoneone else and men like that you have to love and leave em and its not all about looks and sex but be honest about what makes you stay and I can defintley say that I got a natural high every time I made love to him and after five years found out that he had got married and realized it was just ifatuation so be honest with yourself about why you stay and you want have a problem getting over it because I found someone else to give me a high to give me high without sex or looks

Sep 06, 2012
Same here
by: Anonymous

Same story here. 4yrs dating. I supported him in every way, even stayed faithful while he was in Iraq. He cheated online and when he go home. I found him on sites and odd texts. I took him back over and over. I just loved him so much. I'm pretty and have no problem attracting men. I'm a nurse- I am financially stable . I'm mad at myself for putting up with him. During one of our breakups he slept with someone and caught herpes. I didn't know this, but he did. I said b4 I sleep with you and we try again I want proof u are std -free on paper from his dr. It was then he told me he had herpes. Tg I was so firm about proof. I took him its over. A month later he has a gf that moved in with him with her baby. Some girl from HS. I knew it deep down he really didn't love me but I kept hoping he would. It's been over 5 months & I still get very sad and miss him. I think my mom was right when she said I missed the idea of him, not who he truly is.

May 04, 2012
there is a reason...
by: Anonymous

I've been in similar situations, even been the other woman. I feel with often are in relationships for the wrong reasons, and stay in them for the wrong reasons.

It is not because we love someone that they should love us. They either do or they don't. It's not about what we give them or how we treat them. You loved these person despite how they treated you, didn't you. The question is why? Was it love or was it a means to find the love we didn't get as children, or because we should be in a relationship...

I've accepted behaviour that I should never have accepted. I see my parents doing the same. Why do we?

Every time I lost a loved one, I later realised that person was wrong for me. What I was grieving was the person I wanted them to be, not the person they were. The person I believed them to be would not have been this way, acted this way...

Once you get that, it's easier to move on... and find the person who IS really the person who DOES love us.

I'm still looking, and I'm attentive to who the person is. Do we share the same values, do we have the same goals in life? Hoe does this person treat me? with love and respect?

We do have a choice. we CAN say no to a relationship. If we stay in those bad relationships, we are not open to the good ones, the ones that will make us happy.

My parents have been married for 48 years. 26 year ago my mother was going to leave my father. She didn't because they had a terrible car accident that left her and my big sister handicapped...

She should have left. My mother gave up on happiness, my father felt guilty because he was driving. he also gave up on happiness.

I'm a lawyer, I've seen people in my office at 65 telling me that finally they can get a divorce, they've been waiting for over 35 years so the kids are all married... CAN YOU IMAGINE!

The worst thing then being alone, is being with the wrong person...

I've been alone for a long time, but I still enjoy my life. Do I wish to find that specialone? of course I do, but not at any price. I will not compromise respect, my feeling of self worth, or my core values, to be with someone. If I need to do those things, that person is NOT the right one...

All the best to each of you.

Dec 20, 2011
heartbroken
by: Anonymous

my boyfriend of 7 years left me 7 months ago. I felt that things were not the same but when I would ask him he would tell me everything was ok. Then one day out of blue I get a text at work stating he just moved out. He was such a coward he couldn't even tell me to my face he was leaving. Funny thing is that morning was the same as usual, I told him have a good day I love you he said I love you too and left out I thought he was going to work. I was very hurt he didn't even respect me enough to let me know how he was feeling and that it wasn't working for him. That truly broke my heart I came home and all his belongings were gone and keys left on the bed, and a rushed letter he wrote on the to do list magnet pad from the refrigerator. Later on I found out that he was cheating on me with a younger female for months and I didn't know it because I trusted him completely. He says he is in iove with her. This really killed my self esteem, I'm not young enough, and I felt like he threw me away for someone he barely knows. He gave up on us for a thought of something better with someone new. I'm so hurt and lost and I don't think I will ever be whole or happy completely again.

Sep 30, 2011
damaged
by: Anonymous

i just got out of a 3 1/2 year relationship with someone i thought i would be with forever. its been 5 months and i am still hurting. even though i am sure this is for the best i still ask myself why and what if's? i am emotionally drained. he took me for granted. i gave up so much for him. i took care of him emotionally, physically, mentally, and even financially. i still cant stop thinking about him and how it was supposed to be. i loved him unconditionally...i just wanted it in return. Now Im trying to stay strong....but finding it very very difficult.

Apr 13, 2011
Same Here
by: Anonymous

I'm just going through a breakup now and it hurts so bad...why didn't he love me more? I dated a guy for so many years who didn't even like my kids. We never moved in together, never did he want to even introduce me to his old friends. He was secretive, always kept in touch with all his old girlfriends but would never let me know it. I had to find everything out by snooping through his emails. In the end he has all his old girlfriends as his facebook friends, but not me...not me the one he had been going out with all along, the one he went out with the longest.
There is so much more to say...but I can't right now, I feel so empty and so lost.

Mar 13, 2011
PAIN
by: Anonymous

I feel the same after 22 years of marriage and
9 years of dating 2 children 20 and 17 I was told he is no longer interested in me. Refused to speak to me or leave the house. He comes and goes as he feels. I to feel so alone so deserted and can't figure out why he never spoke to me about his feelings. Snapping at me and making strange comments lately and no sex whether I initiate or not. He is so mean by not saying anything. Yet no divorice papers? No fault state, wonder if he knows this. People say he doesn't want to look bad and is waiting me out.

Jan 21, 2011
He didn't love me
by: Anonymous

Exactly the same situation here. 3 years I tried and gave 100%. I pd for most things. He was broke. I caught him online and in chat rooms. He cheated, lied and I took him back only to be hurt again. He is self centered and selfish. I broke up with him tonight. I've had enough. I'm sick of orbiting around his world.

Jun 17, 2010
Does the damage end?
by: Anonymous

As time goes on my grieving gets worse. I feel so alone, i'm afraid to wake up because the pain is always there i have episodes of tremendous pain my whole body hurts and cries out for help but there is none. Uncontrollable tears fall and my breath is short i feel so lost so empty i loved him so much and he discarded me and abandoned me to the center of infinity.

There is no freedom from pain and i pray, but nothing changes. i gave everything and am left with nothing. My spirit is broken, there is no life, i am nothing to no one. He took everything, all that kept me alive, he took the part of life that i can't live without. I don't want to wake up anymore.

May 27, 2010
additional comment
by: Anonymous

I believe the reason they cannot fully love us is becaue they do not like themselves. Someone told me that a long time ago and now I can see the truth to that even though it seems they are moving on and happy. You do not treat another human being like that when you feel good about yourself. Stay strong!

May 27, 2010
Sorry
by: Anonymous

I'm with Jenna....we get that we deserve the love we give, but we can't stop missing them. I know what both of you are feeling. I was engaged to the same man 3 times, but he never was satisfied and put all the blame on me. He too had computer problems and it's so hurtful. The reason they say mean things is because they are in the wrong and can't admit it. They are too selfish. I'm sure we are strong, professional and good-looking woman. We can't let them define us although that is so hard when they put us down and don't show us love. I'm sorry it's been a year and you still feel for him, but that says a lot about you and your ability to love. Keep knowing you deserve better love and one day I hope we both find it. I wish all of us could get together and so we know we are not alone but know you are not. I read and I undersand your pain because I am in it too. Stay strong...keep faith!

May 25, 2010
I understand your pain
by: Absolutely devastated

I know how it feels to find out that the person you are so in love with tells you he doesn't love you. I loved my husband of 28 yrs so deeply, then he told me he didn't love me and didn't know if he ever did. The pain you endure goes right to the core of your soul and can seem to completely destroy you.

I know it is hard to understand and I can't say I am over the pain and don't think I ever will. But I do hope and pray for you that you find your soulmate and that the pain subsides for you. I have done a lot of reading, but right now I find it to be all garbage, but hopefully reading uplifting information and self help books will help you along your healing journey. I wish the best for you and may you find peace.

May 10, 2010
I understand...
by: Jenna

Hello -

Thank you for writing this b/c it sounds much like what I went through. I don't feel so alone. It's been a month since my bf of 4 years moved out. I feel the grief is getting worse to handle because reality is sinking in.

I guess I saw some major red flags and character flaws early on but ignored them because we were having so much fun. I miss him so much but I completely loved him more than he loved me. I caught him searching online as well. I supported him while he got his career moving. And in the end, 3 weeks after he closed his 1st big deal, he said he didn't think he could marry me, that I was not good looking enough to keep him faithful and it would just be a bad situation.

Let me add, I am not bad looking at all, not out of shape and am a successful professional. I don't know how we let these guys get to us.

I don't even know what it would be like to have an equal. Looking back at what I wrote, I think, who is that person that allowed that to happen. Yet, I still grieve and miss him. It is all so confusing.

I can tell you WE will be much better without them. Our hearts need to catch up with our heads.

:-)
Jenna

Apr 14, 2010
How can I survive without my loved one?
by: Scott

It is so hard when your loved one does not return the same magnitude of love that you have for him. You try harder to see if that is the problem, but he does not even notice it. He just takes you for granted. You hate yourself for letting yourself to be in that position. After all, you are a successful and good looking person. But it is so hard once you committed yourself to him. That is just how you are. After many emotional abuses you finally cut him loose. You feel, "who is sorry now." He tried to come back but you want him to suffer like you have so he would understand your pain in the past. But, when he finally gives up, you are lost. You are miserable with him or without him. All you wanted was a companionship in your life. I know...

Apr 10, 2010
Ask & You Shall Receive
by: Down Under

Adriana, let him go. You deserve a man who will respect you and love you for who you are, not what you are and what you can do for him. Send out to the universe what you truly want in a partner and you will receive it, you just need to believe that you deserve good things in life. Ask your mother upon above to help you through it, she will, again just trust in yourself and ask for what you want.

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