Why Didn't He Love Me?
Well, here I am. Thirty five and going through a painful, painful, painful divorce. I feel as though I will never recover. I am terrified of being alone. I am torn apart by the fact that I have to share custody of my daughter with him. It is a knife in my heart every time she leaves me. And, worst of all, I can't understand why he didn't love me. What could I have done differently? How could I have loved him better or more? I supported our family, I tried so hard to be close to him. We were married 12 years and it still ended in this disaster. There are days I want to die. There are times when I feel like I am living in a dream world. How can this be my life? I look around and see other women whose husband's love them and I wonder: what about me wasn't good enough to deserve that kind of care and attention? I am not an attractive woman and see no hope of ever finding a man who will love me. So every day is hopeless. Endless. And there is no answer to why he didn't love me. There is only the fact that he didn't. Recently my daughter came home and told me about Dad's new girlfriend. I feel like another part of me died. And I hate that I have to smile and act excited whenever my daughter tells me how much fun she has with her Dad. I seem to alternate between numbness and overwhelming pain. Neither state is good.