Why Didn't He Love Me?

Well, here I am. Thirty five and going through a painful, painful, painful divorce. I feel as though I will never recover. I am terrified of being alone. I am torn apart by the fact that I have to share custody of my daughter with him. It is a knife in my heart every time she leaves me. And, worst of all, I can't understand why he didn't love me. What could I have done differently? How could I have loved him better or more? I supported our family, I tried so hard to be close to him. We were married 12 years and it still ended in this disaster. There are days I want to die. There are times when I feel like I am living in a dream world. How can this be my life? I look around and see other women whose husband's love them and I wonder: what about me wasn't good enough to deserve that kind of care and attention? I am not an attractive woman and see no hope of ever finding a man who will love me. So every day is hopeless. Endless. And there is no answer to why he didn't love me. There is only the fact that he didn't. Recently my daughter came home and told me about Dad's new girlfriend. I feel like another part of me died. And I hate that I have to smile and act excited whenever my daughter tells me how much fun she has with her Dad. I seem to alternate between numbness and overwhelming pain. Neither state is good.

Comments for Why Didn't He Love Me?

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Oct 21, 2011
Someone cares
by: Anonymous

"Turn all your anxiety over to God because he cares for you."
1 Peter 5:7 (A Bible verse I pray will bless you)

Oct 21, 2011
Not coping
by: Anonymous

I was with my husband for 10 years married for 8 of those, we lived in Ireland for 5 years then Hong Kong for 5 years before moving to Canada all for my husbands work with different company?s to improve his career and our lifestyle.
I supported my Husband through the most terrible of times at the start of our relationship concerning his ex (she left him then insisted he have the kids) she was a real cow not wanting the children but not being willing to let us do it legally. My husband and I both have issues from different types of abuse we endured as kids so lack self-esteem etc. I Loved and supported my husband through endless issues encouraging him boosting his confidence.
We did tend to argue when we drank but it never meant anything I thought we were happy I loved him more than I can say and believed he felt the same way.
Then I noticed he wasn?t being as affectionate with his words in emails and text messages like he used to, in hindsight he was saying some odd things but I never picked up on it then on our wedding anniversary week away he announced he didn?t know how he felt about us anymore. That was in April 2011 and since then we had a trial separation, which was a disaster and ended up with the end of our marriage.
Nearly six months later and I still feel terrible, I had to return to UK and stay with My brother and wife as I was in Canada on my husbands work visa so I have lost my husband, my home we bought only in December, my whole life.

The hurt, pain and anger has been unbearable, My husband behaves like it was me who wanted to end things and has said some horrible nasty mean things. He?s tried to manipulate me into not using a lawyer (which I have ignored) but what hurts the most is the change from a man only a few month earlier loving me 100%, in December wanting to buy me a new engagement ring, in January he wanted to have a baby. Now he treats me like I mean and meant nothing to him and I am just a nuisance in his life.
It?s so hard to accept it?s truly over even though I know it is it just doesn?t feel real and I have no idea how to cope. Every time I think I?m doing better something happens to knock me back,
Yesterday I got an email about shipping all my stuff to England, it made me feel sick to my stomach and I can?t stop crying again.

Is it normal after nearly 6 months apart to still feel this way? Only 6 weeks ago we talked on the email tentatively about was it possible to try again. We where both going to be away for a couple of weeks and agreed to talk when we where back but the day I was coming back to UK he turned all nasty in text messages out of the blue ending it with he would sooner cut off his own testicles than get back with me.
I feel so confused, I know he clearly doesn?t love me but I can?t just turn my feelings off because he has done so but I don?t know how to cope.

I?m sorry it?s all over the place It?s written through the tears and how it is coming out.
Thanks for listening

Sep 27, 2011
You are not alone.
by: Rose

I'm so sorry what happened to you.
Please know you are not alone.
There is hope. There is help.
(God is always with you. He cares about you.)
Please check out this site from DivorceCare.
Here is the first day:

Day 1 - What's Happening?
Divorce is like a tornado?ripping through your life, threatening to destroy everything in its path. The emotional whirlwinds bring fear, confusion, and despair, affecting you, your children, family members, and friends. You will likely wonder Why did this storm hit my life and why does it hurt so much?

Dr. Jim A. Talley says, ?The reality is that divorce is the most painful thing you can go through because it impacts so much of your life. There?s no way around or easy way out. And everybody is looking for a painless way out of this whole situation.?

It is easier to clean up the physical damage of a tornado than the emotional damage caused by divorce.

?I hated life,? says Ginny. ?I woke up every morning, and I absolutely hated it. I hated the pain that I woke up with and the pain that I went to sleep with.?

You may wish you could get through the pain quicker, but healing is a process, a day-by-day, moment-by-moment process. In order to experience any level of recovery, you must see it through. There are no shortcuts. But take heart, in the coming days and weeks you will see it is possible to heal and to look to the future with hope.

??For I know the plans I have for you,? declares the LORD, ?plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future?? (Jeremiah 29:11).

Dear Lord, my life is ripped apart, and I can?t keep from focusing on the devastation and pain that seem to define my very being. Help me turn to You. No one else knows what I am going through. Amen.

(You can sign up for the FREE daily E-mail.
It will help you find comfort, truth, and encouragement.


May God bless you and heal your heart.

Sep 26, 2011
He did not know/understand your fine points

You were betrayed. Your hubby found a shiny new toy to play with. His immaturity and selfishness is NOT your fault. Just nod when your daughter days she had a good time. Your Ex. has to try extra hard to make times fun because he is the one that ran out on you. He is trying to make up for what a scum bucket he is.

Do NOT blame yourself and one day you will realize that you are soooooooo much better off without him. Love doesn't work one way. It is a mutual thing and unfortunately he doesn't realize what real Love is. His loss your gain. I know it doesn't seem so now but take it from me. I had a bad marriage and a wonderful one. The 2nd one did end with the death do us part but I wouldn't trade the time that we had together knowing the outcome. One day you will find someone to cherish you for the person that you are. That is true love and few ever find it. I hope that you do and hope that you can realize that he did not Love you for what you were.

Embrace this newfound independence. It may take some time but all of us here have lost, and started again...With patience and hope we will all find our way out of the darkness...

Sep 26, 2011
Why didn't he love me?
by: Anonymous

My heart goes out to you for the what you have gone through.It has got to be terrible feeling the way you do.
You need counseling. Do you have a pastor to talk to? If not maybe someone could could recommend somebody. You need someone and for several reasons.
For one thing it sounds as if your self esteem is way down. Here your husband has someone else and is having a great time and you are alone and suffering. Enough is enough.I somehow feel sure you are pretty but have convinced yourself you must not be.That man has done a number on you.
Get some counseling and start each day with a daily prayer.Ask God to help you get through the rain in your life. Do this every day.
When you fix your hair and smile and you might say,''I am pretty.I am made in God's image.''
I can tell you that if you attend a church women's Bible study group you are going to start seeing things differently.
You might also get a kitten or a little dog and take up a hobby. Pets have a healing effect. Ask a friend over for coffee.
When my husband passed away I started getting plants and naming them and then I would have to laugh when I would tell someone I named one of my plants ''Alejandro.''The neighbor ladies and I started with plants and then coffee and we had fun.You need enjoyment.
Someone needs you. If you know of a need you can fill go for it. The rewards will start coming back to you.Is someone all alone? Do they need company?
Listen, you can get through this but not by staying home and grieving your heart out.Please find someone who is willing to listen.
Your life is worth alot more then that. You are not unworthy of that man. He is the one who wanted to leave. And please don't say you are not pretty. Go get your hair done, smile a big smile at people you pass. And remember that prayer each day. It will be hard at first. Make yourself do it.Please keep posting. Everyone cares on this board. I really want to know how you are doing. God wants to take your sorrow and turn it into joy and heal you. That little prayer each day can do so much. Take care.

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