Why do I still feel this way?

by Chloe Leann
(Fort Smith, Arkansas United States)

I met a guy who was nothing like I'd ever actually go out and look for as a partner. It was kind of love at first sight. We spent every day together and shared our deepest secrets. When my best friend committed suicide he was the only one who didn't push me to be happier, instead he allowed me to grieve and was there for me. Our relationship lasted for 2 years and through those two years both our lives got flipped upside down but we were always there for each other no matter how hard it got. Until one day the situations between out families became too much. Our parents disagreed with our relationship and were always trying to pull is apart. We both thought it'd be best to leave it alone and go separate ways for a while. It was hard. I stayed in my room and found my appetite gone. We go to the same college so I saw him every day. Things just didn't seem to matter and my friends, even my family, would never allow me to talk about him because they didn't like him. This has never been told to anyone until now but I still love him. I still miss the way we talked, the way we laughed, the way we were there for each other. We talked about 6 months ago and we both admitted to still being in love with each other but he has another girlfriend and his mother still hates my guts, same goes for my family. I can't stop thinking about him and whn we see each other at school, our eyes meet, and I'm left with this cold paralyzed feeling of loss until I have to look away from his eye contact. Why does it still hurt after a year of being apart? I've gotten into another relationship but I feel as if I'm cheating him in a way. I find it hard to be with him when I know that I still feel this way for my x. However I am happy with my boyfriend, but it's not the same.

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