Why Him?

by Becci Asson
(Burton on Trent, England)



He was such a character everybody loved him <3

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I'd been going out with my boyfriend for 17 months at the time and his younger brother and i got on quite well (he was like the brother i never had) he was funny sweet, would do anything for anyone, young and cheeky. its taken me until today his 17th birthday to come to full terms with his death and am now having nightmares and flashbacks of finding him 8 months down the line.
Nathan had run off the day after a party we had thrown for his dads 40th (seemed happy that night) and it turned out that he had told his ex girlfriend that he loved her he would always look over her and that he was going to hang himself. When we found out we kind of all sat there saying well whats he going to hang himself with hes got no rope and that it was school boy antics that he was only saying it for attention. but time went on and he still wasnt back... i remember me and my boyfriend adam were just about to have dinner when i thought something wasnt right, so i asked adam if we could go out and look for nathan before we sit down and eat but he reckoned nathan would be fine (even though a few minutes later he had gone off to look for him on his bike) he came back with no luck of finding him.
After dinner me, adam and his dad went out to look for him - we had a sound idea of where he would be which was down in a small woods near a park popular with teenagers for binge drinking. we figured that he would be down the bottom muttering with himself or with his ex jemma (who he was told not to see anymore) we got close to where he was about to go down a flight of stair when me and his dad heard a voice that we thort was nathans... his dad told me and adam to go down the stairs and he would go into a gathering of trees, just as we got half way down the flight of stairs i heard anthony (adams dad) screaming for adam asking him to help him iv never heard a scream like it before but every time i think about it it sends a shiver down my spine... i thought anthony had found nathan and they were having a fight so i ran the fastest iv ever ran back up the stairs to see what was happening before thinking something was definately wrong ....
i got to the opening of some trees and ran a short distance down the hill before suddenly stopping to find that nathan was hanging from the branch of a tree - at first i thort it wasnt him as the body was at a wierd angle as if the back of his neck was just resting in the loop of the noose he'd made out of washing line wire and he was facing the knot so i was pondering on how the hell he'd managed for a good few seconds before realising that his face was a slight blueish colour!!! thats when it hit me and i realised he was dead that was when i screamed and fell to my knees in horror - adam was no where to be found so i started screaming for him at the top of my lungs, anthony was busy trying to get nathan down and adam ran quickly to join him but for some unknown reason I RAN!!! I RAN BACK UP THE HILL AND DIDNT TRY TO HELP I RAN AND FELL TO MY KNEES AGAIN UNABLE TO DO ANYTHING :( i jus feel as if i had tried to help them both get him down we might have revived him and he would still be with us today celebrating his 17th birthday. the image of him hanging there and the sound of his dad screaming for adams help is permanently burnt in my brain that doesnt seem to fade but the last conversation i had with him my last memory of him from the night before he died is starting to fade and im so desperate to keep hold of it as it is so precious to me i just wish id given him a cigarette which he asked for if i knew it would be the last one id ever give him. for weeks after his death i waited for him to walk through the door even though id seen him dead and in the chaple of rest twice. unfortunately i wasnt able to go to his funeral as my family i feel forced me to go on holiday with them when id rather have been there for adam and his family and to say one final goodbye to nathan i jus wish i could have one last hug off him he was the loveliest lad you could ever have known and he threw his life away over his ex girlfriends mother bullying him to stay away from her daughter and trying to get him done for a rape that never occurred why him why not her :'(

Comments for Why Him?

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Mar 22, 2011
Why Him?
by: Tony

I ask myself that same thing, what if I did this what if I did that? Why? Why? Why? Why, only God knows, we can only pray and pray more, pat yourself on the back, you had no way of knowing for sure if he was gone. I have nightmares about my Mom passing away too. Together we can comfort one another, take care of yourself, hugs, your not alone.

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