Why me ?

by Kathryn

My mum died when I was really young, I don't remember her but my dad described her as the most amazing and beautiful woman in the whole world, my dad got sad sometimes he would hide it from me but I always heard him cry himself to sleep at night he was all I had both my grandparents had died of cancer about 2 months between them and my auntie committed suicide when I was 2 my dad found her dosed up on drugs dead on her bed, I used to try and comfort him but he would lock me out he didn't want me to see him so depressed and lonely, I remember the day I got called to the principles office and got told the devastating news that my dad had died from cancer, he had told nobody not a sole and it hurt me that he kept it from me but I didn't think about it at the time I was 12 my life had ended I have nothing to live for and I still can't get over the pain that's clouding my life, I don't have a place on this earth everything I loved has been taken from me, people at school treat me like a china doll as if I'm going to break or they avoid me completely it's been just under a year I'm 13 and I can't stand it I loved him so much I would do anything for him and he left me and just like everyone else did

Comments for Why me ?

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Mar 14, 2014
by: Anonymous

:) Oh for your age so much, my heart goes out for you. I understand how people treat you like a porcelian doll feeling like your going to break. I lost my dad now its been almost 16 months next week. My dad was my absolute hero I miss him so much, hardest thing I have ever been threw even though I am much older and he lived much longer. Know matter what age you are death is so hard. I hope some relative will take you in, that is such a tough age never mind loosing your dad at that age. You have to go threw the stages of greif, in time you will find your purpose again and remember he will be your guardian angel always watching out for you. I would take my dad back in a minute and I'm sure you would too. I'm so sorry for your loss. I found this sight a few months ago and it has helped. Get a journal to right your thoughts down it helps.

Mar 14, 2014
Why me?
by: Doreen UK

Kathryn I am so terribly sorry for your loss of your Mum, Dad, grandparents, and aunt from your life at such a young age. I just can't imagine what pain you are going through at such a young age in your life. These are tragedies that have torn you to pieces. You still need the strong nurturing of parents and their guidance in life. Who is caring for you? do you have other Adults in your life who is able to nurture you through the most delicate years of your life. Because of the way you feel you are attracting the wrong vibes from your school friends/people. You are in a very vulnerable place right now and just anyone can upset you and cause you more pain. When one is in severe emotional pain like you are in it is very likely you will attract the wrong people who will just add to your sorrow. Many of us go through this pain also. But one as young as you will feel scarred by such behaviour. You need to start with telling another adult how you feel? Try CRUSE bereavement services and stress the urgency of your situation. You may get emergency care. Whatever happens don't stay in isolation with how you feel and just think you will cope. You won't. Many of us older generation of adults struggle with grief and loss and you are so young you need guidance and nurturing. I lost my husband to cancer 22 months ago and I know all about the cancer journey.
Your Dad was struggling with depression and grief and so he shut you out to protect you. His heart was in the right place. Sadly he did not want to burden you with his cancer. He must have become a recluse with sorrow and his grief would have offered him some protection from dealing with his own health issues. He may even have been in denial, till it was too late. You will however feel he didn't love you. But his actions would say that he loved you too much to open you up to losing him also. Who knows why adults behave the way they do. But it would leave you not only missing him but feeling cheated out of preparing for the end of his life when you would have wanted to tell him you loved him, and you were denied saying good-bye. Please write back and let us know who is caring for you? also updates on where you are at in your loss. This is such a cruelty in life that tears at my heart as a mother would feel. May God comfort you and help you cope in the days and weeks ahead.

Mar 14, 2014
by: Anonymous

Your story makes me so sad. Your dad loved you so much he could not see you feel any more pain. I'm sorry about your grief, in a way it's like delayed grieving because you found out about the cancer so late. May God be with you, you are never alone because Jesus is always by your side. There is a verse that says even if your mother and father forsakes you, he will never leave you. Not that your parents forsaken you but when you loose your family and friends Jesus will never leave you.

Mar 13, 2014
Why me
by: Anonymous

Dear Kathryn, your story saddens me to the core. What to say I'm not sure, I can't imagine your pain so many losses for anyone let alone someone of your age, not fair. Your life has been a turmoil. Your dad did hide his disease from you not wanting to cause you worry, so you could enjoy some of your life. I found that when the pain of my loss over whelms me, I say out loud the person I'm missing, "I need your help", and I feel comforted. I hope this will ease some of your pain. My thoughts and prayers will be with you, your dad loved you so much, and I hope life brings wonderful things for you..

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