Why my Brother? Why Justin?

Me and My brother on his 21st birthday

Me and My brother on his 21st birthday

I lost my brother on December 19, 2012 on both my parents birthday. I am still in shock that he is gone because it was so sudden. I knew he had problems with percosets but I thought he was doing better after joining a fraternity at temple which I thought would of straightend him out. He was nodding out and acting bizzare during thanksgiving break and when he came home for winter break. He was nodding out alot days before he died when he was driving and I was freaking out. But there were days where he looked beautiful, where his face was shining and looked totally fine. I knew he was on something and i tried talking to him but he just said he was tired and told me to stop asking him. On December 19th, i got a call from my mom that my brother had died and i was just in shock like what do you mean? The cops fond heroin packets on him which gave me loss for words.The night before he died he came home and said to my dad before he went to bed, "goodnight dad i'll see you for your birthday tomorrow, goodnight dad I love you."I cry everyday and I can't believe i have to live with this for the rest of my life. I still do not believe it. Me and my brother were so close we had the best connection ever. I lost my best friend over something so stupid he did. He always thought he was invincible. I want to see his face and hear his voice again; I want him to suprisingly knock on my door and show up. But I know that will never happen. I love you Justin and my life will never be the same...Your the only person I looked up and you were my idol. I just have to ask why? Why poison your body with horrible toxins? Why couldn't you think before you act? Why couldn't you just go into in patient rehab? Why couldn't you just listen to me dad or mom when we tried to help you? These are questions that we will never figure out. I love you, I miss you, and this is how it will stay forever.

Comments for Why my Brother? Why Justin?

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Mar 22, 2013
by: Jyoti, Auckland

Pal, i am feeling sorry for your loss... I can understand your pain easily because i lost my older brother to just 6months ago...he was just 27 years old and he dies due to chorodoma. Its a rere type of cancer....so thats i can understand your pain, feelings . Know its really hard to loss your family member ..... I am going through the same pain that you are....please keep your self strong.... I have no more words to heal up your grief .... I have the same question that you have ,,why god did with us,,,, I also can't live without my brother,,,,please come back..please

Mar 16, 2013
I Understand
by: Diego

Pal, I just start crying when looking at the picture in your post, it reminds me of my brother and myself...my little bro passed away ninth months ago, he was only 26...I wish I could tell you some words of comfort but I'm crying while writing this...if you ever need to talk to someone this is my e-mail: descobarledesma@gmail.com

Mar 03, 2013
by: Anonymous

Christina, I am sorry for your loss of your son to the drugs he took.
It hurts a mother's heart to bring her son up to become a man and through peer pressure he ends up in friendships that are wrong and harmful to him and destroy his life and yours as a mother.
Keep a journal and write out all your feelings and pain and hurt. You will find these memories will one day change and you will be able to replace them with the good memories of the son you brought up. The son who cared for young people. Sadly your son lost his job and this is when his life went downhill. This hurts a man to lose his work. He goes into depression. This is what happened to my nephew. He threw himself in front of an express train. My sister hurt so badly her soul was bleeding for days. She couldn't cope with life and needed a counsellor to help her with the pain and loss. 6 yrs later she is a happier person. But she will have the scars for life. One day you will be able to live with less pain. Your soul and heart will be healed from this tragedy. No mother will ever get over the death of her child. NO matter how old they are. We mothers will worry about our children from the cradle to the grave. May God bring you Comfort and strength in the midst of your pain and grief.

Mar 02, 2013
by: Cristina

I know and hear your pain, it was me most 9 months ago on the Easter day 4/8/2012 my son had gone cause DOD, he was a personal training before
had a good looking body and soul, eat healthy food
help kids who parents abandon them, teaching them never get close to drugs, but then one day during the bad economic, he can't find a job get depression and get a bad guy where he meet online
for group social, they get him hook in the very
bad substances and from that moment his life start go down hill to the day he was gone.
I was like you a lot of time I had scream and scream very loud in my car "WHY WHY WHY you so stupid why you put the poison in your body which you;ve been worked for it look good why now you destroy it why why
I still scream still cry because i love and miss
him so much I regret why I did live close to him
so he can not hide any secret, I just find out all
he bad things was doing after he is dead, now I just live with his memory, listen his voice and look his picture every day and hopefully time will heal some day

Mar 01, 2013
Why my Brother? Why Justin?
by: Doreen U.K.

I am so sorry for your loss of your brother Justin to a senseless drug induced culture. It is so very sad that this lifestyle choice took your brother from you prematurely. We can never understand the reasons why people choose a lifestyle of drugs. But if I were to guess it would be so that a person can block out of their mind for while the difficulties of life. And there are many difficulties we go through. Some people can't cope and so turn to drugs or alcohol as their way of coping. We can't judge anyone but just feel sad and perhaps Angry that they chose a lifestyle that has left you very broken and Bereaved FOREVER. That is what I think of after losing my husband to cancer 10 months ago. " I won't ever see him again FOREVER." But because I believe in God and eternal life. I know I will see him again when Jesus comes back to earth as he promised in the Bible. I have this Hope. But I still have to dwell on this earth till I die and it is going to be a very lonely journey without him. If you find yourself struggling too much then try some grief counselling to help you cope and get over the worst pain ever of grief. None of us likes this pain and it can swallow us up in the worst ways ever at times. Be Brave. Honour your Brother in the best way you can. Do something Useful with your life. Go forward with your head up and not looking down with depression. This too will pass and you will be happier in time. We all travel this road of Grief and we are here for one another. Write back if you need to. Best wishes.

Feb 28, 2013
I am so sorry for you!!!!
by: Debbie

My first born son Jeremy passed away going on 3 years now.He just turned 26! He left behind a little brother that looked up to him!Thats why you remind me of my sons!They were close too! My son Jeremy was drinking and was going through a divorce and other things in his life,but I did not see his pain.He was the life of the party,had lots of friends,made people laugh,always helping his friends,but now I realize he was hiding his own pain!! His little brother sees life different now,he stays to himself.It hurts me to see you going through this,because I hear your pain! We too always ask why? We will never get the answer to why! It will get better as time goes on,its just a different life now! We are all in this together! But know your brother loves you,I know its hard to believe right now,but he does!When people told me it would,I did not believe them!! It will take awhile,and I know you want it to get better now! I understand! Im a Mom who knows! Please take care of yourself for me!!

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