Why now?

This year my 26 year old cousin died. I was not close to him; however the pain and grief that I see his parents and sister suffering through has brought back debilitating grief over the death of my baby 20 years ago. His father decided after his death that he had never really loved me. My Mother has stage 4 cancer. My other living child has always been sickly. All of these years, through all the trials and tribilations, I have been able to make it and to function. Lately, I am more likely to want to curl up and melt down. Lately, I have questioned why other people's children live and not mine...why other people have healthy children, but not me. Does therapy help?

Comments for Why now?

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Jan 03, 2014
by: Anonymous

Thank you for your kind words and the advice, especially about the therapist and not taking on too much. I will go talk to one. I am very sorry for the loss of your husband...40 plus years is a long bond. Thank you especially for listening.

Jan 02, 2014
Why Now?
by: Doreen UK

I am so sorry for your loss of your cousin and your child and also for your mother's loss of health and in a very fragile situation with her health. All these health problems are adding to the way you feel. We face many trials and tribulations on a daily basis and sometimes we feel we are coping and then get knocked down again and find it hard to get up. We can even lose our motivation to go on when life dishes us too many trials. First step is to be kind to yourself. Do many good things for yourself each day even if this be only one good treat and build on this each day to build up your self esteem and help yourself heal. Take one step at a time, and one day at a time. Don't look too far ahead and feel that you won't get through your mountain of problems. Keep a journal and write out how you feel so you get it out of your system.
You asked if therapy helps? YES! IT DOES if you get the right therapist. I suffered 40yrs. of depression and reached breaking point. I got the right psychologist/counsellor and it was the best investment. In my 40's I started counselling and ended all my depression. I managed to resolve my losses in a counselling room. It was a very painful experience but worth the pain to feel the way I do now. I HAVE HEALED in ways I didn't think possible. I lost my husband of 44yrs. 20 months ago to a deadly cancer and I coped better for having had therapy. Having been healed from therapy allows me the HOPE of healing from grief. It is such a slow process of healing but it happens ONE DAY AT A TIME. I know how you feel. I also know you will come through where you are at now. It won't be this way forever. After I lost my husband I felt as if life would be like this forever and I didn't want to live. I put as much life into each day as I can and each day is different. Some days I do nothing, and some days I do too much. I have the FREEDOM to choose. Death did not take away my freedom. This is my gift and I cherish it. WE each must look for ways of making each day better. Start small and build on this each day. When you look back you won't believe how you got through it. I see each day like this, because I don't know what tomorrow holds so I just live for today. I wish you Peace and Comfort in your sorrow and in the days ahead with an ill mother. Please keep us updated.

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