Why so young and so close together!!!

by Patra
(LaBelle MO )

April was a month of hell for me. I lost my cousin Chad at age 35 on April 21st and lost my kids father(Ray) age 36 on April 23rd. Both was unexpected! I never got to go to Chad's visitation or funeral because I was too busy planning Ray's funeral.

I have had to try to go on with life as normal as possible for my kid's sake. But really I'm falling apart at the seams! I was dealing with Chad's death pretty good because I had got to tell Chad everything I wanted to tell him before he died. See Chad got really sick a few weeks before he died and I told Chad how I felt about him them. But as for Ray I didn't get to tell him how I felt.

I was so mad at Ray when he died. He left me with 2 boys age 12 and 8 to raise. I felt he gave up on us. And didn't think it was fair to me or the boys. I am mad at God for taking Chad and Ray at such young ages and so close together. Ray knew I never wanted to be a single mom. And now he has left me a single mom.

I hurt so much for my kids... God should never have left my kids without a father. This has turned mine and my kids life upside down. What did my kids do to deserve to have their dad taken away from them? Ray was a good dad to the boys.

No matter what I do I can't seem to put my life back together. I cry all the time... I feel so lost and sad...I don't really want to be around people. I don't think I will ever find someone to love me like Ray did. And that scares to me to death. What do I have to do to get my life back?