Why?

by Stella
(Washington )

Sometimes when I really start thinking to myself I think how on earth can my dad be dead? He was supposed to be there for me for ever. I feel so lost without him, I'm so confused and I feel like I completely changed and anything that may have been important to be for isn't. My dad died June 15th 2012. All he was going to do was have a routine surgery even the doctor said it was a one and a million chance that he died. I trusted that doctor with my dad's life and he made mistake after mistake and killed him because he messed my dad up so badly in his operation. I feel like I'm way too young to be dealing with this...I'm only 14. I JUST WANT MY DAD BACK. It's so hard to pretend like I'm fine but I'm not and I feel like I'm slowly going insane. I was a dumb teenage brat, why could't I appreciate him more? He was my best friend and I had such a great connection with him! I was daddy's little girl. Sometimes I think I see him in a crowd but I know it's not him. I know it's not his fault but I'm just so ANGRY that he couldn't even be there to help me with my first year of high school. I can't live without him. He was only 45 and he loved his life. It's not fair.....he didn't even have a fatal disease. If that darn doctor didn't screw up then my dad would be here!!! Everyday is a new battle and I just hate my life more and more. What really hurts is when people know that my dad died and they say things in front of me like "I wish my would die"......how could anyone even say that in front of me? How can be people be so insensitive and cruel! I'm just a young girl and I thought I knew the world but I was wrong. I have to grow up extra fast and I just want to be a kid and worry about kid things again. I wish I had a friend that understood what I'm going through.....heck I wish my dad was still alive. I'd give anything just to see him again!

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Mar 02, 2013
Why?
by: Doreen U.K.

Stella. YES! Life is very Cruel and unfair. A child should not have to grow up without their father. You still need the nurturing that a father provides. IT HURTS. My 3 Adult Children lost their father 10 months ago to terminal cancer. Your father was too young to not have a chance to live and see his children grow up. Is there an uncle or other male relative who could mentor you? It wouldn't be the same as your father but the next best thing to help you get through the next few crucial years of being a teenager without a father.
Try and see a school counsellor and then a grief counsellor to support you through this pain of loss. It is very insensitive of your friends to wish their father died. But then you are all so very young and many children wish their parent's died. Especially when administering discipline. Most children have a streak of rebellion in them that causes parents grief, and parents understand this as a stage in growing up. Your friends are immature so you have to overlook this as immaturity. I have had battles with doctors who got things so wrong and nearly caused my husband to die 7 years before he died. I went to the top. the doctor came to our home and apologised for mistakes that were made. That was enough to take my anger away. They took responsibility. It won't bring your father back but the doctor should take responsibility for his mistakes so that you don't have to feel so angry at the injustice of what happened. WE will never know WHY! our loved one's died so young or at a time in our life when we needed them so much and to be here with us in our world. Only God has this answer. Reach out to God for Comfort and strength to go on each day. This is what I have to do and many other's who have found strength here in God to get them through life. This will be the worst pain you will have to endure in life. But you will HEAL from your Grief in time.

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